Your April Fools

Rather than plan some convoluted prank, whereby a three way trade occurs involving Jamarcus Russell/Jay Cutler/Matt Cassel, followed by uproariously heckling you to death for being a dimwitted sucka....we'll go ahead and merely present you with a potpourri of ninnies, donkeys, and chowder heads. We begin with an ode to Mrs. C (lucky Follower #13) who despises to no end the "Errand Boy of Giselle"....

One forever tarnished his image to achieve the slightest of advantages....an advantage his team probably did not need. The other poses for magazine layouts....do we even need to elaborate...look at this guy....how much more money does a human need?

Cutler is banging the drum to bolt Denver, A-Rod's banging Madonna and these are just both foolish choices. Cutler will wind up in Detroit where homes are going for $17k and Madonna was touched by Dennis Rodman (do the six degrees deal and A-Rod's in danger of acquiring a lifelong downstairs neighbor......and his ex-wife is going to take most of his money......and he's on the DL......and he won't be going to the Hall of Fame......foolish).

If you wanted people to cower in the wake of your Patriotism you could have gone with the lapel flag pin.

Foolish choices gentlemen. Foolish indeed. A jersey can last a lifetime too, ya just gotta take care of it.

Your April's Fools...

This is The End: March 8th Round-up

These are stories from the week that we either touched on (see:Dancing With The Stars mash unit), wished for (see: A-Rod's karma to come full circle), or missed entirely (See: Vasgersian...I don't know anyone who EVEN has the MLB network). No matter the story's relevance....this is the End.

[XX1090 Scott & BR-audio]
LT's Mom doesn't like his chances of returning and while bitter at the way her son has been treated acknowledges that, "she's just a mom". Word will probably be in by Wednesday....why would LT wait any longer if he plans on rejecting the final Charger offer?

[Sports Illustrated]
The advantages to that time of year when we "spring" forward and add a little extra prime-time day light and warmth........if time constrains you and you're only going to click one of these links.......this is it, friends.

[Deadspin-audio]
Santa Maria!!!!! Matty V said something you can't say on the air during the MLB network's inaugural season.......I'll miss the team of Matt and Mudcat.

[Deadspin]
Michael Lewis' Moneyball is an absolutely fascinating read. Interesting theories, but put into practice, it is a steaming pile of crap. So let's make a movie about it and star Brad Pitt as Mt. Carmel's Billy Beane! Can you say steaming pile of......?

First Julianne Hough bows out....now Nancy O'Dell and Jewel

[SD Union Tribune]

The Padres' farm system gets rated 29th out of 30 teams by Baseball America. Kyle Blanks is the only Padre rated in the top 100 of all MLB prospects (noteworthy: I watched him hit on Saturday and while a massive man at 6'6" and 270 lbs, I think he could play LF. Doesn't look oafish like Adam Dunn......he's very calm at the plate.....I saw him K and then hit one on a line off the top of the fence).

[XX1090 Darren Smith-audio]
Sandy Alderson talks about stuff......like captaining a farm system ranked 29th by Baseball America.

[619 Sports]
A case made for using your dollars on the passion found in our local college teams. This is your opportunity to get a little extra 411 on the sporting events in the 619.......San Diegans, Support!

[Hugging Harold Reynolds]
Cooooooool.......Now we get to taunt Manny as he "Mans" left for the Dodgers in '09. Let's make a concerted effort to throw monopoly money at ManRam when he visits our left field. Anyways, listen to the audio garnered by HHR of Manny's agent Scott Boras. It must be nice to be able to turn down $25 million in this economy.

[SD Union Tribune (AP)]
A-Rod gets familiar with Karma.

A-Rod's Oscar Snub

In honor of tonight's 81st annual Academy Awards.....a closer look at the Alex Rodriguez press conference. Every film has it's memorable lines and there's no exception with the A-Rod performance. Let's take a closer look...

"I was young and curious."

• Sounds like the title to a Club magazine photo shoot featuring two experimental college coeds (or so I've heard).
  

"I was curious and ignorant"

• Usually curiosity is followed by careful research which ultimately leads to the elimination of ignorance......however, ignorance would probably preclude A-Rod from making this connection.

"Good Question Bob....." (see 3:55 of the video)

• A-Rod's way TOO excited to answer this question...we can tell that it's one he was prepped for. Over Acting--very Pacino-esque a la Heat.
  

".... I didn't want to speak from a position of non-factual ...."

• Who wrote this screenplay?
  

"The one thing I can lay my pillow at night is, I entered this game when I was 18: I had my best year when I was 20: and I had my other best year when I was...in 2007...so that, foul pole to foul pole, is pretty good."

• More bad dialogue...We do like how A-Rod is hanging his hat on the 2007 campaign especially now that news is breaking that he paid for an unsavory character, who was banned from MLB clubhouses in 2001, to travel with him during....you guessed it...the 2007 season. An award winning drama in the making....
  

"I made my bed, I'm going to have to sit on it"

• At least get your proverbs right.
  

"I'm here to take my medicine"

• Much better.
  

"...and start hookin' up with Don, and start making the world a better place."

• You're a 32 year old cheat who's bangin' Madonna. I'd set my personal bar much lower than changing the world...that's just me, though.
  

"The only thing I ask from this group today, and the American People, is to judge me from this day forward...that's all I can ask for."

• Fair enough but know that people are digging and if they find something (like this banned Dominican Trainer fella) you're, as they say in the Ol' Country: FOOKED!

The Oscar Does Not Go To Alex Rodriguez

A-Rod Takes Lesson From The Rocket's Handling of Steroid Issue

If you thought this was the guy that was going to wipe the steroid taint from MLB....well you just got disappointed. If you believe he only used them from 2001-'03 then you are a moron. Look at his physique during the Ranger years....he's much bigger NOW. We always new he was an A-Hole it's just now that we know the A-Hole is dirty.

Rodriguez was red with embarrassment but came clean with Peter Gammons earlier today.

I'm disappointed. I've hated A-Rod since he was with Seattle and was getting ready for free agency. He was asked (I think it was the Chris Meyers show on ESPN) what was more important at that stage of his career: to have a chance to win a title or to get the big contract? I couldn't believe it when he said "Big Contract"! This from a guy who had 5 years of service time and the $ from being a #1 overall draft pick. What a cock! I was glad that Nomar was the SS of the day for me. But I'm still disappointed.

I grew up collecting baseball cards and memorizing the numbers....

.406, 56,60,61*, 755, 4256

Guys who raked 200 hits were awe inspiring. The 140 RBI mark was beastly and when you hit 50 HRs you were an out and out freak! All of these plateaus became common place and when it happened with more and more frequency....I didn't even question it. I'm disappointed in myself for that. Do these guys get a free pass because we condoned the behavior? I'm not sure. What makes baseball interesting though is that it is a team game with many individual battles and those that win battles accumulate numbers....numbers that we remember. None of these numbers are real though and it pisses me off because those 50,000 baseball cards I have are now and forever worth, JACK SQUAT!

Drugs are bad...don't do 'em.

What do we say? The years from 1985 on carry the steroid asterisk? '85 was the Topps McGwire Olympic card which seems like a good jumping off point but to be safe perhaps 1980 is the year. Those cards might be a good investment right now.

What else should we be pissed about? Try the cost of attending a game. Every time a guy juiced it was for the express purpose of padding his numbers and boosting the available dollars in his next contract. The players got rich and we footed the bill.

Oh well. I'm a baseball fan and I'm still going to games this year. I just won't be giving too much weight to any of the numbers these guys throw up. "They" say the numbers don't lie ....except for the last 23 years.