Dear Patriot Tears

According to the Daily Mail, via the website FJuice (click for a great GIF of Gisele modeling/knocked up):

"Gisele Bundchen and her new husband Tom Brady haven’t wasted any time following their February wedding - the supermodel is reportedly already pregnant."

Dear Patriot Tears

You are screwed! Zoolander has had it easy so far because kiddo#1 is living on the West Coast with mommy far away from daddy. But I'm here to tell you that the record breaking offense of 2007 is a relic of the past. Henceforth, Tom Terrific will be operating on very little sleep during valuable game-planning preparations thus leading to extraordinary inefficiencies in their Death Star offense.

Those little rascals are demanding and tiring!!! Is Tom ready to redefine his existence as a human Kleenex...... a means to an end for an endlessly runny infant's nose during the bitter northeastern winter months? If so, New England, you're doomed!

Of course, Tom could become an absentee father, utilize their overflowing funds on a nanny....and be well rested for 2009......what say you, History?

Great Moments in Humanhood

What kind of draft analysis do you think this guy would provide. A great moment in fackin' Humanhood.

Southern California thrashes Boston College

The opportunity to remind Boston fan that they just got smacked by a team from California will not be passed up...

USC-72
BC -55

Meanwhile, our bracket came crashing back to Earth...after a 14/16 showing on Thursday, Friday gave us a dismal 10/16 for a 24pt first round showing. That puts us in OUR usual 1st round 22-25pt range.

All Final Four teams are alive but three wayward Sweet Sixteens were dismissed.....curse you Seminoles and Owls.....and the early loss of an Elite Eight-er is a gut-buster! Damn Huggins led Mountaineers!

The FSU/Wisconsin game was fantastic as was the Sienna/Ohio St. 2OT thriller....Kid from Sienna had ice in his veins sinking 3-balls multiple times as the clock ticked down (The World's Ombudsmen says he picked Sienna into the Final Four.....We picked Louisville to win it all....Sienna versus Louisville tomorrow....There can only be one!).

As this goes to post, Villanova looked fantastic this morning and Memphis is mopping the floor with Maryland....so we've got that going for us.

Side-note:
In 'Bracket Wars', The Collective is up by 5 points on President Barack Obama.

Another Edition of Hate-Email

More sharing out..... What do Patriot Fans do in their spare time? They seek the destruction of this blog and the positive affirmation that Boston is a great sports city and that we, lowly San Diego, are but peons in the universal sports landscape. The incursions into my email-box are ripe with elitism and condescension..... but all too entertaining. Perhaps if you, good reader, questioned why fans across the country dislike Boston supporters this email will provide clarity....at the minimum, it meets my daily posting goals....and provides for pictures of Celtic and Bruin Cheerleaders.

Tom's B.C. (A mutually agreed upon alias)
Hahahahaha SD is LOSERVILLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry, i take that back, afterall you do have the Padres, BWWWAAAAAHHH LMFAO!!!!

Oh and yes SD did beat the Pats arses during an early season, regular season, with a not yet blossoming Matt Cassell... But don't worry, if we meet in a BIG reg season or god forbid the play-offs again the Pats will prevail, believe me it's very enjoyable watching the Pats end the whiniest, most overeated team in the league the SD DOLTS!!!!!!!!!!! BWWWWAAAAHHHHH LMFAO.

Boston = 31 World Championships

San Diego = O (hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha)

Plus, dude you can't even sell out playoff games out there, yu were in danger of blackout for your opener and your playoff games. THAT IS SO FUCKING LAME, GO AWAY D-BAG...{sic}

PS, no more replies from me, I dont lower myself to talk sports with anyone who follows a cities teams that have NEVER (or never will) win a single solitary champonship....

SAN DIEGO = 3RD RATE PRO SPORTS TOWN (TRANSLATION SD = IRRELEVANT){sic}

Avenger-In-Chief
Once again--I'm not going away---you came to me, clown.

We actually do have 1 championship...can you guess who it's against, smart guy? Here's how your email reads.....I'm a fan of Boston sports because they win championships (31). So will your loyalty cease the minute they stop winning? I'll stay with my two teams regardless of championships. ...and I'm glad you won't be replying anymore. You ARE a front runner!

Im answering against my better judgement, because your stupidity is to compelling to leave alone. Ok, WOW you really are a Dolt fan, one has never (qand will NEVER) won a world championship in ANY sport. You won an AFC championship against the Boston Patriots in like 63 or some shit, uhmmmmmmmm tht dont count dude, see there was another, bigger, better league playing at that time called the NFL and their champion is recogmized as the World champion, not the fledgeling AFC. So get your facts right, D-BAG. Also, Im not a fan because Boston has 31 World Championships, that just helps, I've been a Ptriots, Sox, B's and Celts fan since I was a kid, a loooooong time ago. See, we have passion here, unlike your irrelevant 3rd rate, bush league city that cant even (LMFO) sell out its home opener and playoff games in time. Go away Jagoff..{sic}

I knew you couldn't resist replying. You need to proof your emails and develop your reading comprehension skills. I never said anything about a "World" championship...I said championship....you know, the kind you brag about when you win your slow pitch softball league.

It should also be noted that if you're going to discount a championship from the sixties you'll be erasing a good part of Boston's "title town" legacy. The harsh and abrasive tone of your emails clarifies how extremely tough you are and I'm sure your co-workers cower in your wake as you return from an unacceptable 1 for 4 during the previous night's big softball game....having said that, I'm glad you have your championships...I think you need them more than I do.

Best of luck managing your passion and your overflowing mantle of trophies...front-runner.

Leave your opinions in the comment section...

Charger Girls...they are not.

This is the End: A Weekly Collective Round-up

[Heard on XX1090]

• Friday: Jordan Downtown was reading the NBA round-up and during the Houston Rockets game re-cap he refereed to the superb play of, "...the big Chinaman.", Yao Ming. We're pretty sure that phrase is a slur based on Walter Sobchak's analysis in the Big Lebowski (The preferred nomenclature is Asian-American/The Chinaman is not the Issue Donnie!)...in that sense it was funny......however, next time we should probably hear, "The big man out of China.", or some reasonable variation.

• Saturday: During a Spring training radio broadcast (Padres versus Royals) we were reminded of the stellar RBI, Run, Walk, HR, SLG, and OBP, that Brian Giles put up during the early part of the decade.....then Jerry Coleman remarked, "...as you get older, you just don't have as much 'juice' as you used to. Oh, I probably shouldn't use that word should I?". Nice save Colonel.
  

[The Legend of Cecilio Guante]

• This is old news but it was from this blog that we first heard of Heath Bell's Wii weight loss regimen. It is a Mets/Jets blog so the Scribe was critical of Bell as a former over weight player of theirs. We slowly heard more of the marvel that is the Wii, as a conditioning apparatus, and how Bell credited it with his increased fitness. Why is nobody asking how a professional athlete ballooned to 270lbs and needed a kids game to tell him he's fat? Our hopes are pinned to a guy who couldn't commit himself to getting out and running hills and doing foul pole circuits during a time when Trevor Hoffman was about to become a free agent? Bell will be fine as long as he doesn't try to strike everyone out...... and he chooses Metallica's For Whom The Bell Tolls for his entrance.....
  

[Luol' Dong]

• This Chicago based blog will help you end any internal theistic debate that burdens you by posting your choice of prophets......on the best T-Shirt ever made....we have chosen. Your turn...

[619 Sports]

• This new SD blog formed by some old SD voices covers important local sports including the likely #1 overall pick in this June's amateur MLB draft who happens to be pitching in our own backyard: SDSU's Stephen Strasburg. We should all get out to Montezuma Mesa while we can to see a polished amateur pitcher who pumps the gas at 100 MPH. You'll never hear him say, "F#$K East County...I'm Stephen 'F#$*in' Strasburg !" for two simple reasons: He's from Santee (West Hills HS) and he's not a moron. Get out and see him pitch.

[KC Star's Jason Whitlock]

• In addition to the Chiefs getting a proven GM (Scott Pioli0 from the Pats), a new coach with a solid offensive acumen (Todd Haley from the Cards), they've now added a QB (Cassel) and veteran leader LB (Vrabel) at minimal cost (2nd rounder). How much better did the AFC West just get?

[Denver Post]

• First the Broncos acquire an excellent leader and Safety in Brian Dawkins. Then Jay Cutler was mentioned as a possibility in a three way trade for Cassel and he's now "crying a river" upset. Then Brandon Marshall was arrested early this morning......Did the AFC West just ebb, yet again?

[SD Union Tribune]

• No word on LT yet. AJ Smith gave his State of the Chargers Address and he was critical of himself and some unnamed players whose play either slacked or suffered off the field problems......hmmm: Castillo, Wilhelm, Cromartie, Weddle, Jackson, Williams, to name a few. Which way will the next month and a half go?

We've also acquired, like a rash, a stalker/agitator. He goes by the name: Tom Brady's Illegitimate Child Loves His New Step-mom.....but we'll make it easy and just call him Tom's Bastard Child. This New England fan thinks little of us (San Diego Fans) and we've been sparring all week...here's a small sample of the retarded conversation that sports fans engage in...

...under the subject line: San Diego Doesn't Deserve a Pro Team

Tom's Bastard Child

Wow you're a loser. Look, win 31 World Championships or so, then come back and we'll talk. San Diego is a 3rd reate pro sports now and is completely irrelevant in the national sports scene. Your choking under achieving teams, most reent window has closed and the Dolts will go back to being cellar dwellers once again. The Chargers bite dude, face it the Patriots are a perrenial contender, the Chargers uhmm are a joke man...[sic]

Chief
You came to me guy so I don't Need to come back and talk to you. If you want 31 championships go talk to a New Yorker...they're your stepfather.

You write poorly but if I was left to infer what your gibberish is implying I guess I would have to agree with you that SD is fairly irrelevant on the National sports scene. Most everything west of the Mississippi is irrelevant in the eyes of the World Wide Leader.

I would also argue that the Chargers are perennial contenders....'04-'08 does constitute 5 seasons....and we destroyed your team this season. Would you have made the playoffs had you beat us?

Suck it guy!

Enlightening isn't it?

This is the end...

Shhhhhh.......we have a stalker.

Be careful....there's someone watching this site.....

a stalker/agitator/penis/Patriots Fan

.....he thinks you are all a bunch of powder blue wearing homos....ooops, sorry,

" Yar a bunch of powdahh blue wearin' queahhs,"

shhhhhh.....be careful!

Editor's Note:
The Michael Jackson/Rockwell versions were disabled...sorry.

Dear Patriot Tears #33

Giants 17
Patriots 14

February 6th, 2008

Dear Patriot Tears,

We hope tonight rekindled that warm fuzzy feeling that overcame you on the first Sunday of February last year.

Bill should have worn the gray hoodie....never fuck with a winning combination.

Dear Patriot Tears #32

"NFL hosed the Pats again. Once the NFL switched the Jets game out of the 1pm time slot the Pats were done. The Jets (and their fans) knew they had no chance to make the playoffs by halftime due to the blowout in Baltimore. All three of those games should have been played at the same time. Favre is a stiff and a fraud. If he just retired this past offseason, Dolphins would have had 5 wins and Mangini would have led the Jets to the same 9-7 record."

Posted by K-man December 28, 08 08:01 PM

Dear Patriot Tears,

That was kind of BS to switch the starting times of those games, and we also feel the need to shed a tear over this one. If the Pats would have won the AFC East we would have been assured of playing the Patriots during the 2009 regular season but we now get the Fins instead. We live for the opportunity to beat the Patriots and hear the sweet cries of New England fan but it wasn't to be........so we'll instead have to settle for a pretty nice consolation prize: the incessant moans of a team who was edged out of the 2008 playoffs. To the observant fan, Jet and Favre cries are always accompanied by those sirens we know as....the Pussycat Dolls. Enjoy...

Dear Patriot Tears #31

"Oh well if Jabar catches that ball in Indy, different story."

Posted by mike December 28, 08 07:53 PM

Dear Patriot Tears,

Speaking of different stories...if that 8-8 team out of San Diego doesn't crush you 30-10 then you really have no problem making it to the playoffs.

Also if Jabar Gafney doesn't make that great catch last season to beat the Ravens then you wouldn't have finished the 2007 regular season 16-0.....of course a loss may have taken the pressure off of your team and the Super Bowl may have had a different outcome....so Gafney has fucked you in consecutive seasons? Nice...

Dear Patriot Tears #30

"Even until the end of the game after Favre had single handedly lost the game, Sims was still singing his praises....What is the media's deal with this guy? Was he not watching the same game? Most overrated athlete in sports."

Posted by Favre is a fraud December 28, 08 07:52 PM

Dear Patriot Tears,

Great screen name. We'll agree with Brett Favre being overrated and then thank you for continuing to cry about how he cost you a playoff spot and how your 30-10 loss to the Chargers had nothing to do with it. Jets...Favre...Pussycat Dolls...a winning combination-well at least the Pussycat Dolls are.

Dear Patriot Tears #29

"Brett Farve sucks. Always has, except for his first year in 87 when he beat the pats. He's not a gamer. He always throws interceptions in important games. He always tries to force the ball. He has no brain. No smarts for the game. He's not a "Wrangler" guy. He's a dickhead in real life. Why people have loved this guy is a complete mystery to me. I hope he never gets in the hall of fame. Brett is a loser forever and a disgrace to football. A disgrace to the Jets. A disgrace to the Green Bay Packers and a did I mention a dick head in real life? Stuck up ass."

Posted by TJ December 28, 08 07:48 PM

Dear Patriot Tears

Oh, where to begin, TJ:

• Favre beat the Pats in the Superbowl XXXI....played in '97 not '87.
• It was not Brett Favre's first season.
• Merriam-Webster Definition of 'Gamer'--Someone who plays in spite of injuries.
  
• "He's not a 'Wrangler' guy. He's a dickhead....." Doesn't wearing Wranglers make you a dickhead?
• You'll be wasting your time hoping Favre misses out on the Hall of Fame....of course I hoped a lot during Christmas of '85 and a Skateboard miraculously showed up....heck, give it a go!
• Yes. You did mention he was a dickhead in real life....
• Did we mention that Jets/Favre tears = Pussycat Dolls?

Dear Patriot Tears #28/Great Moments in Super Bowl History Edition

Dear Patriot Tears,

Yea, so the anniversary of this Super Bowl Loss was yesterday but we didn't want to pile on. It was a crappy game. Go Desmond Howard...

Dear Patriot Tears #27/ Great Moments in Super Bowl History Edition

Dear Patriot Tears

On January 26th, 1986 The Monsters of the Midway defeated a cute little upstart team from Massachusetts 46-10. The game was not that close.

Dear Patriot Tears #26

"Hell of a year ,thanks for the memories Great Job Men ! Hey you cant be that bummed out look at the big picture. the greatest sports city around bar nun ! GO BRUINS, CELTICS !!!!!!!"

Posted by m.mc. December 28, 08 07:47 PM

Dear Patriot Tears,

Yer the greatest city, blah, blah, blah.

FYI-When you posted this tear back on 12/28 the Celtics were coming off of a Christmas Day loss to the Los Angeles Lakers...we believe it was only the Celtics third loss of the year. How many losses do you have today (and were you following the Celts before the 2008 revival?)?

The Bruins haven't done a thing in years......but here they are in 1st place......and Boston's following them again.

You are a GREAT baseball city but bandwagon for the rest of the sports!

Do the Bruins have a dance squad?

Dear Patriot Tears #25

"Brett, throw and pray, Favre, strikes again."

Posted by -nyys December 28, 08 07:47 PM

Dear Patriot Tears,

More Favre.......wash away your tears with the lead singer of the Pussycat Dolls.

Remember, Patriot Fan....every time you cry about Favre and the Jets you get the Pussycat Dolls. Consoling aren't they?

Dear Patriot Tears #24

It's all right...I fackin' pissed myself to keep wahhm.

Dear Patriot Tears

How about some tears regarding the Cardinals entry into the Superbowl? A brilliant parody of your fan base exists with regularity over at the Kissing Suzy Kolber site. Click Here to go and READ most accurately what a Boston accent SOUNDS like and also how moronic a majority of their sports nation is.

It is seriously one of the funniest things you will read....

Most funny if you have ever seen a game in Foxborough, Massachusetts.

Least funny if you are from Massachusetts and are not a dickhead ..... like the ones we met in Foxborough, Massachusetts.

This does not include my good friend from Boston who we creatively nicknamed "Boston" back during the season they eventually lost to the Packers in the Super Bowl.

Enjoy the Idiot Patriot Fan creation of Drew Magrary @ KSK...

Dear Patriot Tears #23

"Yeah, I'd much rather watch 8-8 Arizona or 8-8 San Diego than the Pats, whose brilliant coach once again showed why he is light years ahead of every one of his peers, by punting on third down and calling timeouts in the first quarter, with the wind at his back. Think any other pro coach would have gotten 11 wins if his MVP QB went down in Week 1? Not Dungy, not Tomlin, not any of them. Belichick is the greatest coach of all time, and I'm proud to be a Pats fan because of him."

Posted by RAY G December 28, 08 07:46 PM

Dear Patriot Tears,

The Chargers blew the Patriots out so stop the comparisons. Belichick is a genius....he seems most capable at Positioning his team and himself perfectly at every turn.....plus he's been on Jeopardy...only Deities make it there.

Dear Patriot Tears #22

"AS IF I DIDN'T ALREADY HATE THE JETS ENOUGH... What a disappointment. The fact that the Pats' chances for a post season came down to the final week says a lot about their character and will to win. At least the Jets are out too, even though that is a small consolation."

Posted by Jed1967 December 28, 08 07:46 PM

Dear Patriot Tears,

Let's call a time out.....nearly everyone of these tears was shed after the Jets/Favre blew it and the Pats were eliminated which means there will be a lot of Jet/Favre material as part of this segment. Since the most hate was directed at the Favre led Jets so it seemed necessary to go to an internet gallery and obtain as many Brett Favre pictures as possible.......which brings us to the Pussycat Dolls. In the margin of the particular gallery we were scanning we saw the aforementioned Dolls in some sort of advertisement and came to the following conclusion: Tears about The Jets/Brett Favre= Images of the Pussycat Dolls. This will serve two purposes for We:

1. Myriad Jet/Favre tears will at least be accompanied by a nice picture.
2. WE will see how long WE can go with looking at this girl group yet remain completely oblivious to any member outside of the lead singer.....seriously.....if I was mugged by any of the other 5 members (I had to scroll up and look at the picture because I was sure that there was only 4 other members...wow...blinders!) and got a perfect look at their faces I absolutely would not be able to identify them as members of The Pussycat Dolls. Yes, the lead singer is that Hot....
   

Perhaps the pictures will make the tears more tolerable....perhaps not. I managed to miss the deadline for my NFL pool 3 times this season so it shouldn't be long here before I miss a day...take solace in that.

Dear Patriot Tears #21

"I hate Brett Fav-re with every ounce of my being. At no point in that game did I think the Jets could win. All Fav-re has been is a decent QB for a long time. Far from one of the greatest as many people think. In fact, he is one of the most overrated of all time. Whenever there is an important game he either chokes or sucks. That being said, thanks Pats for putting on a great show all year. It's been fun."

Posted by I hate the Jets December 28, 08 07:45 PM

Dear Patriot Tears,

Oh how I pine for the day that this segment will end. I beg of you God.....please bring the Patriot, Brett Favre rants to an end......why have you forsaken me?

Dear Patriot Tears #20

"just lost the wrong games...as Belichick always says it is the divisional and conference games that matter the most. Great season despite not making the playoffs...they will need to franchise Cassel with Brady's future in doubt for the beginning of 09.

Farve is sooooooooooooooooooooo overrated. Why anyone would say he is a top 5 or even top 10 QB is beyond me. In the clutch the last 5 years he is aweful The picks today is a symbol of who is really is."

Posted by Mark December 28, 08 07:45 PM

Dear Patriot Tears,

Favre is overrated. That being said, it must be all the more painful to reflect on the outcome of Super Bowl XXXI.....of course, you probably weren't a fan then anyway. Happy MLK day.