The Worst Play Of The Week

Lendale White is fat and stupid. More than likely the Steelers will see the Titans again so why give the Steeler D a reason to put a bounty on your cornrowed skull?

We seem to recall you scoring a regular season TD against the Bolts last year and then doing a triple mock celebration (Merriman, LT, SCooper?)....to which we responded by rallying to win that game in your house...and then shut you down in the playoffs. Lendale White, you are fat...

...and you are stupid. We look forward to seeing James Harrison torpedo your knee so we can watch Christmas dinner gravy come a pourin' on out.

Hey, Hey, Hey..........Lendale White is responsible for The Worst Play of the Week...and he's fat.

Preliminary Thanksgiving Gaping V

First things first...Let's not put the cart ahead of the horse....No counting of chickens before they hatch...we are all familiar with these common place idioms.

Sometimes we have a tendency to get ahead of ourselves and there is perhaps no better phrase to illustrate this point than the words uttered by The Wolf to Jules Winfield and Vincent Vega after they had cleaned up Marvin's Brains in Pulp Fiction....To quell the notion that they were home free he reminded them:

"Let's don't go suckin' each others' dicks just yet!"

To that end it would be premature to so quickly award the next Gaping V without having seen the remainder of the games on this week's slate. The award named after the Jerry Curl sportin', Rec Specs wearin', neck brace stylin', high steppin' right out of bounds via the Southern Methodist University deserves to see equal opportunity given. Our front runner, after three horrific plates of turkey, thus far:

Detroit Lion Safety Daniel Bullocks

We have widened the parameters once again...defenders should have the opportunity to be labeled as female anatomy as well. Playing in front of a national audience on Thanksgiving with the ignominy of a winless season in the making....this guy pulled the old 'OLE'...we weren't fooled! What made the lack of effort so much worse is that it was Soft As Cookie Dough Lendale White who-came-a lumbering through the goal line. C'mon Bullocks! Grabbing on to soft and cuddly things is so nice, so easy...Never mind the Bullocks, here's the Vaginas!

Out in the west we call that bullshit...Ole!

Whiiiiiiifffffff! No wins are comin' with tackles like that!

Now we realize Lendale looks like a big fella...but trust us, he's a soft bowl of cookie dough like Mom used to make. This is Lendale coming out of USC at the 2006 Scouting Combine....

My last name is White, not Hut...WTF?

Soft, no? He'd probably explode upon impact with a solid shoulder. He's come a long way but Lendale's still a softie...

smart money's on gravy not jello

You'll never see this guy with his shirt off...even as a more svelte NFL RB, Lendale endlessly loses shit in that belly button (usually car keys)....which brings us back to Daniel Bullocks.

You had a chance to blow a fat man up in front of the whole USA....we'll never know whether gravy or jello would have hemorrhaged out of Lendale, upon being dealt a vicious "Ronnie Lott like hit", for one reason and one reason only....you, Daniel Bullocks, decided to show us your Gaping V.

PS
Could it be more fitting that your name translates to castrated bull? Well, it was an awfully docile attempt at a tackle.
You're on notice, Bullocks! There's a lot of games left this week so here's to you sliding your way out of it.

Why We Get The Lions Each Thanksgiving

Upon reflection there's only one possible reason that every 4th Thursday of November we are forced to stomach the Lions along with four different styles of yams...and it's not tradition.

Gentlemen...we are facing a highly organized, Holiday Season Conspiracy. This HSC has been orchestrated by the women in our lives...

Mothers, Wives, and special lady friends comprise one of the most powerful lobbies in the United States of America....and they infiltrated the NFL Commissioner's Office long ago...

Think about it...it makes perfect sense! We know that each year we will spend our Thanksgivings watching football and EATING an obscene quantity of food. But what happens each Thanksgiving morning? There, to little surprise, is a project waiting for you. These projects include quick trips to the grocery store to pick up forgotten items or ventures into the garage to drag out the Christmas bins...Christmas does start tomorrow, just ask the woman in your life! These women tell you what needs to be done, prefaced by, "I don't care when you do it as long as it gets done!"

You check the TV guide...Lions play the early game (always)...and the decision is made...

....off to work because you know you won't miss a thing (except a holiday drubbing). During the Lions game it is also an excellent time to travel, if need be, to the homes of your friends or relatives for their presentations of Thanksgiving Dinner.

Why just today I was tasked with babysitting and grocery store duty where I missed the 1st quarter of the game and it was 21-3 Titans when I returned...and I didn't feel one bit bad about missing it. The 4th quarter will be used for drive time to the Parents' house. It is a vast HSC!

This powerful cabal of women, somehow infiltrated the NFL Commissioner's office and convinced him to always run a meaningless game in the morning (see Lions) and in return, we surmise, the women agreed to leave the TV on so the ratings would stay high and we would be subjected to the all-important revenue making commercials necessary as we pass by mid-chore...

Beer...

Roger Goodell has been anything but benevolent during his reign but we suspect that he knows better than to fuck with these power brokers...thus the status quo remains despite the annual No-Contest that is the Detroit Lions Thanksgiving Performance.

It all seems very reasonable...why else would we get the Detroit Lions each year?

I have that outfit for when I cook

We don't need anymore turkey (It's 44-10...time to start driving.)

Dallas v Seattle looks to be a stinker also...Thank goodness Ma and Pa have the NFL Network...Cardinals v Eagles should be good.

Happy Thanksgiving.

The Good Ol' Thanksgiving Days