Living in the Past: Reflections on the Denver Route

We have included some images from the "AFC West Championship game last Sunday" and wanted to revisit it one last time before moving forward to the Wild card game against the Colts tomorrow. As you can see to the left, there was no shortage of Hochuli impersonators. That ol timer had a blind man's walking cane--and should have been charging $1 per picture--he was getting mobbed. It set the tone perfectly for the day....and then it was halftime and we were up 24-6. What to do during a blowout? Hmmm...

Well on a day where it now appears as though you'll be going to the playoffs at 8-8 and your ARCHENEMY the New England Patriots will be sitting at home this post season with an 11-5 mark, there is really only one thing to do....start an antagonizing text message war with one of your best friends...who incidentally hails from Boston...

Yes, I was the dickhead who was texting during the game, but I didn't begin until we were blowing the Donkeys out (ooh, that was beginning to sound like an entertainment show in TJ) and it is worth noting that I am an excellent mutitasker. Below is the text transcript, cleaned of hurried spelling errors (mostly, I think)...Enjoy Boston Fan floundering in agony (sorry TL)...

WE are blue and BOSTON is red...

October 12th, 2008. Meaningless regular season game?
Go blow your brother and I hope LT gets aids and dies. We are 11-5 and don't make the playoffs! That's fuckin' bullshit. Fuck the Jets as well. Lets...(Transmission of part 2 failed...lost in texting space)
That's hilarious...and going on the blog! Too funny!
And don't worry, LT will cry like a bitch by the end of the playoffs and I am betting on every other coach in the league to out coach Norv Turner.
Were there tears when you wrote that? Good luck with the Yankees in '09!
No tears just anger and Three Championship Trophies!
AHHH...the asterisk card!

What will you be doing next weekend?
Not watching the Pats, so what's your point?
Say you're watchin' the Bruins...not the front runnin' Celts!

Don't be jealous, just watch as your joke of a sports town lets you down again.

It's all good, your town never wins a thing ever and this year won't be any different.
What are you getting Tom and Giselle for the big day? You should have time to shop!
Don't Know.
Seriously...what are you getting them?

Saux should sign Manny!
It's not going to happen. We have to "hope" Lowell is healthy and Ortiz plays well like we are used to.
Hope...that sounds pretty liberal. Who did you vote for?
Not for the guy who wants to tax me more. I am a realist not a socialist.

This just in...Peyton Manning wins the 2009 MVP....that's O.K....we have HOPE (PR received 2 first place votes).

And so the text battle ended and it felt good. It hurt to see a friend in pain......but fuck him and his teams!!!

After the game all of Charger Nation was happy and continued to revel in the ecstasy of avenging the "Hochuli Bowl"....below are some Bolt fans with an excellent banner....what you cannot see is the background action which our camera failed to adequately capture...

...a young Denver Bronco Fan, 25ish and female, decided to "gear up" and bring a rather large prop (A Bronco stuffed animal). What ensued was a game of "keep away" and little Bronco sailed back and forth to a symphony of cheers, tears, and "fuck you, you fuckin' assholes!!!!!". It was kind of sad actually and I felt bad for her. She did land a lot of kicks to the rear-ends of taunting Charger fans but it did little to assuage her agony.

When in enemy territory....wear your team gear....but leave the props at home...or at least hide them as you enter and exit the gates of hell!

The Axe has been Wielded

Didn't even see it coming. Shanahan fired two days after the sort of collapse that hadn't happened since 1967 when conferences went to divisional play. Doesn't seem fair...didn't Shanahan do an excellent job with what he had? He was down to his 8th tailback of the season and what do you expect when your defense is that porous? Just ask Cutler, he'll let you know what he thinks of the D. This really falls on the shoulders of the Denver Broncos General Manager...and there in lies the problem.

Mike Shanahan is also the team's General Manager therefore all deficiencies in personnel are his responsibility. Hard to believe that the wind blown Irishmen is gone but the buck does have to stop somewhere (even after a vote of confidence was given by the owner).

They haven't tasted any real success since Elway finished up---as I was astutely advised by Bronco Fans wearing Bubby Brister and John Elway jerseys this past Sunday evening---I guess on the heels of surrendering 52 points you must hang your hat on something..."Hey how many Super Bowls you got? None! We got two, '98 and '99!"

Yes you do Bronco Fan...yes you do...

It's also interesting to see the other dominoes falling....Romeo Crennel of the Browns and Eric Mangini of the Jets...both Belichick disciples. When the hell (oops) is Notre Dame gonna fire Charlie the Hutt?

Who are some of the "Hot" coaching and GM hires for 2009? None other than Patriots GM Scott Pioli and Offensive Coordinator Josh McDaniels.

We think it is quite clear that Bill Belichick is the Evil Genius behind the Patriots success...all others are merely figure heads in place to answer questions from the press so that Bill can scheme. Amazing...

Editor's Note:

Charger Fan in Donkey Land just texted the following message..."One broadcaster said last night, Shanahan could go to the Chargers next year."

Unless...Norv runs the table!

"One-In-A-Rows" Complete: Don't mess with the Holy Trinity

Do not underestimate The Holy Trinity: Little Hillbilly Voodoo Doll, His Holiness the Dalai Lama, and Jessica Alba.

It is nearly impossible to accomplish things with out faith and so we put our faith in other worldly Idols and Sages to bring us back from the abyss. Make no mistake about it, we are back, as our 52 point exclamation mark can attest.

"The Big Hitter" Lama and his cohort Jessica Alba prophesied a monumental showdown between the Chargers and Broncos on December 28th...

....and they delivered on their prophecy, karma being restored to the football universe. In addition to the work of our Spiritual gurus there was a Voodoo doll created to avenge the Phillip Rivers Pro Bowl snubbing/completely fuck up Jay Cutler's shit...and it worked. With every air-mailed pass and end zone interception we could feel the thrust of those needles into his appendages...as well as his head. That's a Pro Bowl Quarterback?

Hey you S.O.B...I gotta piss... take that needle out of my voodoo crotch.

Thank you... to a near and dear source who sent this picture to our phone at Jack Murphy Field when the score reached 38-13....image says it all doesn't it? The guy threw 2 picks, one in the end zone and Philip Rivers not a one. Who's the Pro Bowler? Not Jay Chokler!

What a good time calling EVERY DONKEY who was wearing a #6 jersey, Bubby Brister! Half of them didn't even get it and no wonder really.

We took some good pictures of Charger Fans with Banners and others of Bronco Fans getting their props (giant Bronco Stuffed Animal) stolen from them from Charger fans...quite funny....young lady very pissed, many a colorful epithet.

Why do people show up to Charger/Bronco games wearing....Dan Marino, Tom Brady, Ben Roethlisberger, Matt Cassel and every other dickhead's jersey not involved in the game? Why pay all that money for a ticket if not a fan of those two teams? Wearing a random jersey to show that you actually know football...actually shows that you know JACK SQUAT!

THEPATRIOTSLOSTTHEPATRIOTSLOSTTHEPATRIOTSLOSTTHEPATRIOTSLOST
THEPATRIOTSLOSTTHEPATRIOTSLOSTTHEPATRIOTSLOSTTHEPATRIOTSLOST

How about a nice...football!

Dear Santa,

We know you're busy but we'd like to revise our previous Christmas list. First you provided us with The Marvel in Arrowhead and then came the Chargers win last week against the Bucs and you then proceeded to cause the Donkeys to choke one off at home versus Tim Russert's Bills.

But with only a couple days left we must get in our final requests....and there are only three requests that we have so we think you might be able to accommodate us...

1. A Charger Victory on December 28th (cheap tickets would be great but that is neither here nor there) against the Denver Broncos. Help us into the playoffs and please help the Donkeys complete the greatest collapse in the history of the NFL.
2. The New England Patriots finishing with a 11-5 record...but MISSING THE PLAYOFFS! We'll leave off the required scenarios and chain reactions that must occur for this to happen, but trust us when we say...THE WORLD NEEDS THIS TO HAPPEN!
   
3. Finally......Santa.......well our Denver Donkey Voodoo Snowman melted when the sun came out yesterday...and so we need another Voodoo doll.....please!?

We've tried to be good this year and we know it's last minute but if you could find the time to read our list and grant us these wishes, we'd be very thankful. Enjoy your milk and cookies that Mrs. Avenger-in-Chief leaves out for you.

Thank you

The Avenger-in-Chief
(post your wishes in the comments section)

Seek Counsel From Sages

His Holiness the Dalai Lama, Tenzin Gyatso, believes it to be our Karma to meet the Broncos on December 28th with the AFC West title at stake.

Meet with Nobel Laureates...Free Tibet...Return from Exile...Get Chargers a Win

Such an act would restore balance to this time and place...a balance that was disturbed by a man named, Ed Hochuli.

Ms. Alba agrees with, and endorses, the counsel of His Holiness.

Really...she's a huge fan

When in doubt, seek sagely advice to right your path. Fortunately our "Collective" can rely on the profound wisdom from both of these kind souls. Viva la "One-in-a-Row" numero dos!

One-in-a-Row:Part II of a III Part Series

USD......Jesus is on our side...and by "our" I mean ALL of San Diego

It might be December but it sure is starting to feel like March Madness.

The Chargers face elimination on Sunday and must win to survive and advance. They/We are simultaneously hoping that a league rival will blow it thus leaving the door open for us to gain an automatic entry into the big tourney....we're like that miserable, generic Mid-Major conference team named Middle South Eastern State College of Tennessee who currently carries a 12-18 record but could actually make it into the Dance as the 65th seed by winning their conference tourney.

Meanwhile you have the Power Conference teams who sit on the bubble because even though their record is good....it's not good enough for their own league (See: New England Patriots). When their bubble bursts they'll scream bloody murder that the scourge of the earth made it to the tourney with such a shoddy record.....C'est la vie...Bahston Fahckah!

I can't say I've ever been so excited about the prospect of watching a morning game that we have no business winning in the EST zone then viewing and praying for a miracle flop in the afternoon by The Little Hillbilly all so we can have a chance at a December 28th showdown with the Donks for the AFC West Title.......One-in-a-Row, take two! Pure Madness!

Missed class....Don't tell mom...I'm also fucking the Face Painter

Donkey Update: "One-in-a-Row" part II

As we inch closer to this weekend's festivities, I can not begin to explain the random statements and comments that are flying around these parts.

There are actually interviews being conducted with Denver Donkey players talking about Super Bowl runs etc......Where do they get this ridiculous false sense of confidence?

After what unfolded last week when our CHARGERS (yes ugly, but still a W) pulled off the unthinkable with 1:13 remaining, the Donkeys then proceeded to fall apart in their afternoon game.

The most recent Buzz today was that they are not thinking about the Chargers, but only worrying about the Bills. I will take this opportunity to call BULLSHIT, to those statements. Deep down the Donkeys know that they were given more then a gift back in week 2 when ED
handed them a division win against our Chargers....

Ed "Oops, My Bad" Hochuli

I had the privilege of being alone to single handedly let 68,000+ fans know how bad that call was (superlative, superlative, superlative) and that the Chargers truly should have been given the win.

Then you have the broadcasters on the radio who don't buy into the false confidence the Donkeys are attempting to portray. Instead, what is being stated on the radio is more along the lines of: Who is going to show up week to week with the Donkeys? No one really knows.

Here is what we do know heading into this weekend. Donkeys have no tail back, and Jay Chokler is good for a minimum of 1 pick, but I can't shake this feeling that he has even more in him. Buffalo will be here in the weather they are used to, Frigid cold (Yes that was -4 on the dash). As of today the projected low for Sunday is -2 and may reach a balmy high of 17. This is NOT something that the Bills are unfamiliar with, so I enter this weekend very confident that the Bills will take care of business as they nearly did against the Jets last week.

Jay Chokler? I thought I was "Little Hillbilly"?

As we CHARGER fans enter the last days of the week before this large Tampa Bay outing, we can only be left to again ask the million dollar question. Why did we wait so long to open up our offense?

This is more than a must win for us! It is a statement game, to show that even with our many sub par performances thus far, we are a great team by beating a 9 and 5 Tampa team. I am confident that we will roll in there with something to prove. LT will have a great day rushing, while Vincent Jackson will have 7 catches for 112 yrds, and Gates will be more often utilized.

We all came together to WILL our CHARGERS to victory last week, and all of our heroics are again needed this weekend.

Men, lets come together in this time of need and again WILL our CHARGERS to the AFC WEST division decider in SAN DIEGO December 28th.

GO BOLTS!

CHARGER FAN IN DONKEY LAND

Awaiting The Word On The Street in Donkey Land

Listening to 104.3 The Fan in Denver, CO

While the Charger Fan in Donkey Land gathers the particulars, note what the outside temperature is in Denver, CO... yes, that says -4 degrees Fahrenheit at 8pm...probably warmer in the afternoon.

We think they're starting to feel the choke....enjoy your Denver December, Donkeys!

Get us the word...

Denver Says, "We love having four seasons?"

Will The Greatest Collapse Begin Today?

Today begins the run of "One-In-A-Rows" needed to get the AFC West. By all accounts the Chargers should get the victory against a young Chiefs team despite playing at Arrowhead in December. Only Norv can destroy our chances...this face below = WE'RE FUCT!

Don't fuck this up Norv!

The Donks go to Carolina to face a devastating rushing attack that dismantled Tampa Bay. Donks don't have much of a rush defense and on offense they continue to lose RBs at an alarming rate....You cannot tell me that Tatum Bell, who was selling cell phones in a FUCKING shopping mall kiosk a few weeks back, is going to be an effective back in meaningful December NFL games!

That puts it all on...The Little Hillbilly...

My arm's stronger than Elway's...yeeeehaaaaa!

We like our chances to get one step closer to Denver committing the biggest collapse in NFL history.

Embedded In Donkey Territory

a scenic path for your Donkey to travel

I am behind enemy lines (Denver) and not reporting as I should be back to base.

Being in this location I am forced to listen to different sports radio stations. One in particular that I listen to is 104.3 The Fan.

I leave work the other night and flip the radio on to hear the crew on the Fan commenting on Norv. They are nominating him for quite possibly the worst coach in the history of the NFL. This because he was dealt a full house when given his position with the players he already had in place, and has seemed to find ways to lose based on play calls, etc... throughout the season.

This again was something that was stated by Donkey Country Radio Hosts. One of the guys is a real homer however and was chanting about the Donkeys going to the Super Bowl (yeah).

The other clown had the intelligence level to remind him that the Jackasses have lost to the Raiders, and the Chiefs and by no means are these last two games give always to Carolina and Buffalo before they need to come to SD for the beating they deserve....not to mention the one we already gave them in Denver (thanks Ed).

So in a nut shell we have some Donkey Radio Hosts that are not buying into the Jackass hype quite yet. Though our window is closing rapidly there is still hope and hope is all we need.

Even though we only beat the Haiders last week, which was no surprise, I saw the smiles and the confidence on the players that I have not seen in weeks, maybe not even this season.

That is the confidence we needed to push us the extra mile to win out and hope that the Donkeys show their true colors. Not only the Putrid Orange and Blue they wear, but Cutler tossing the ball to those in other jerseys.

a.k.a. little hillbilly

We must all come together in this time of need for the CHARGERS and become Carolina and Buffalo fans......the playoffs actually start:

Date: 12/28/2008

Time: 1:15pm

Location: The Murph (a.k.a. The Q)

Lets make this our first playoff game men.

KEEP THE FAITH.

Charger Fan in Donkey Land.

Two Cents from a Bolt Fan in Donkey Land

Some have seen the following diatribe from "Super Charger Fan in Denver" but it's worth posting for ALL to see. This San Diego transplant is like few fans you will EVER see! He is hardcore....He is to fanhood, what "Air Jordan" was to the NBA: ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL!
He has passion folks!

The Ancients didn't write obituaries...they only asked, did he live with PASSION? I don't know if the "Ancients" actually said that but Jeremy Piven uttered it in the film Serendipity and we think it is applicable here...especially since Piven won an Emmy last night. Passion, People! It needed to be posted now because of the timeliness that is tonight's Monday Night Battle versus th J-E-T-S. Enjoy the PASSION:

Gentlemen, Friends, and Charger fans alike:

I have chosen to wait to respond to the despicable display of zebra whistles until now. As one of the lone dedicated Charger Fans to walk the streets and be forced to live at this elevation with no ocean, only a pond or two, I felt it necessary to honor the mighty Bolts and all fans of San Diego by attending the game along with my wife, and a buddy from San Diego.

We arrived to a parking lot full of the despicable Orange and Navy; not a minute had passed after stepping out of our vehicle when a 60 year old woman screams in our direction "Chargers lick ass", interesting comment coming from a Jackass fan in Donkey Country. To my surprise I did see some Chargers jerseys, but most were quiet and did not represent, as they should have.

As we approached our seats among the Orange Cowboy hats we realized that we were in the minority and would have to yell for all of San Diego. The game began and the Donkeys marched down the field to our chagrin for the first TD of the game. The cheers rang out and we sat in silence, then began to cheer as the kickoff came our way. Then came the first HOME FIELD advantage incident. The "interception" that was not, occurred. Out came the red flag as I let all know around me for sections that the ball was complete and easy on the premature celebrations. Then what do you know. The Donkey Electrical has an issue; the plug got pulled on the review camera. Tell me gentlemen, does the NFL have that little money that they cannot have a backup? What should we say, 80" Plasma for any replay necessary? Maybe an extra tent or curtain to cover them up should that be required. Why not send it upstairs (novel concept?) And then it happened, the beginning of the most irresponsible refereeing display in NFL history, live before my eyes.

It was amazing how the fans began talking to us as we were their friends with the score 3 to 21, but when Sproles took one back for 103yrds the silence was deafening, other than our screams and high fives while the voice was still there. Then the pick in the end zone, and Sproles again taking it to the house for the 63 yrd scamper and we went up 38-31. An eerie silence came over the stadium yet again. Little did we know at this point that we were about to witness with our own eyes the worst blown call in the history of the NFL.

Our section of 3 erupted as the fumble happened and we CLEANLY recovered the ball with 1:14 left on the clock. Game over high fives around and the silence again through out the repulsive Orange and Blue. Then the darkness came over us as the explanation of the absolute inexcusable blown dead call in the history of not only the NFL, but also all football on every level. Yes including the Super bowl halftime lingerie bowl. Everyone cheered as I yelled this game will be forever marked with an "*" as the ball went back to Denver. Then for them to be 4th and goal and convert, to only come back for a 2 point conversion, made me not only disgusted by our defensive performance, but them converting that was a total lack of respect for our defense.

This week in front of a National audience we must step up on the defensive side and destroy the Jets as we get the skunk off the boat and land our first Victory of the year. I am calling right now minimum of 2 picks tonight. One, by Cromartie and another from Hart. This is a must win as the rest of the games of this season will be, as we are unable to count on any other team to make a 50% of there field goal attempts, and present the Donkey's will their first loss. Though it has been a difficult couple of weeks. This is our coming out party tonight on National Television.

We must stand strong together in VICTORY GO BOLTS!