Radio Talent For Hire

May the torture never end? The September collapse of the '07 Padres followed by the shocking collection of talent on display during the '08 campaign were gutting to say the least. The high expectations of the Chargers in both '07 and '08 only to be left asking: "Why God? Why have you forsaken we?"

The meandering month of February, where we wait for both the NFL Draft and MLB Opening day, is akin to being water-boarded in a secret eastern European CIA prison. The torture is further dispensed via the impending (?) cut of LT and the horrible daily sports radio we are subjected to from 3-7pm each day.

There is radio TALENT out there, though......they just aren't on the radio! Instead they find themselves blogging furiously like Bruce Lee's fists! Who is this I speak of? I speak of the bludgeoned staff of XTRA Sports 1360 AM: Craig Elsten and Chris Ello. It would be nice to have some knowledgeable locals to listen to on the drive home each day but it is not to be.

Fear not sports-fans.... those of you who are pining for the days of knowledge are also the same people who know how to read..... and LIKE to READ! To you, I say: "Check out the 411 on 619 Sports."

619 Sports Blog with Craig Elsten and Chris Ello

Listening to the radio is dying an accelerated death.....we'll have to get our info elsewhere.

Forthcoming: "A More Swiftian Modest Proposal".....we have a take on how to handle HOF inductions during the steroid era. In the meantime you can check out Elsten's "Modest Proposal": Click Here.

Editor's note: The above picture is in fact an ABC water-boarding demo and not a Golden Shower courtesy of Charlie Gibson...

$9 Buck Cup of Misery...gimme two!

The week started great...

First we get the potentially fantastic news that the Padres are on the block, ready to be auctioned off, to the first who can scrape together a few hundred million....

For a nominal fee, you'll get a slow footed, slap hitting, suspect fielding team built by a bunch of computer nerds. The team also play in a brand new spacious pitchers' park which will add economic value when the potential suitor surveys a farm system stocked full of young pitchers...who are all distant relatives of Tommy John's elbow...oh yea, and our CEO is a fucking ASSHOLE....

Actually, I'm a miserable c$#t!

...pony up sucker! Join us for a $9 buck cup of misery down at the worst named ball yard in the history of our national past time.

After that ray of hope comes the $9 million dollar man, Brian Giles, getting sued for $10 million because he's an "alleged" woman beating, fetus killer.......creepy. Much more creepy than the naked hugs and cock exposure our bronzed Punch 'n' Judy hitter is reported to have given to anyone who walked into the Friar locker room (let us qualify the latter behavior as creepy- funny). We thought it was B.S. until we heard there was a surveillance video of one abusive incident...

That's a check swing...another walk, thank-you very much!

CEO, Sandy the C$#T, tried to get money back when Khalil broke his hand in the dugout last season...whaddya think he's trying to do about this one, that slick lawyer fuck!? Giles does take up nearly a quarter of our meager payroll.

Hope it's not true...it'd be a rotten Christmas present...

The Tortured San Diego Fan Experience...alive and well

We mentioned earlier this week that the HATE was a promotional tool to hype the game that would be not only critical to our season but would serve as a mode of vengeance for fellow San Diego Fans.

After the victory we started a new blog, one that does not give so much credit to the New England Patriots but instead tells who we are as San Diego Fans. We decided to continue posting at this address until the end of the season at which point we will go full time to our new address. In light (no pun intended) of what happened in Orchard Park, NY this morning we think that it is the perfect time to unveil the name of our new site:

THE TORTURED SAN DIEGO FAN EXPERIENCE
www.torturedsandiegofan.blogspot.com

Perfect name when you consider the continued slide of a team that was near the upper echelon of SuperBowl contenders at the beginning of this season. Such is the life of a San Diego Sports Fan. Where to begin?

That there is a kid's radio adorned with a Charger hat. In the background is a nice plasma television which is airing a commercial for Survivor. There is a break in the action from the Charger/Bills game.....we mean Steelers/Bengals. Yes the big time city of Orchard Park blew a fuse, reportedly from some balloons decorating a generator, and left the world (see: Charger & Bill fans) to scramble for alternatives. We found refuge with the Rock 105.3 team of Josh Lewin and Hank Bauer and it was a cool switch (pun intended). Although, if you take a look at my arm.......it IS the antenna! No amount of MacGuyver-ing could get it listening operationally like that of my arm simply squeezing the base of what was once the radio's antenna. Yes, my shoulder is tired. Before the live television feed returned...to ruin our day...we made some innocuous observations:

Best Radio Lines of the day:

"We think there is SOMEWHERE around 2:30 left in the quarter."--Josh Lewin

(That line was interchanged with many other pieces of time...we thought it to be funny.....never heard it mentioned during a game before today)

"That's like Billy Bardy tryin' to cover Manute Bol"-Hank Bauer

Describing the height mismatch between Bolts WR Malcolm Floyd and an obviously vertically challenged Bill CB.....all the more funny (to me) when you consider that a friend was challenged to a fight last year after the Padres/Red Sox series (game #2-the CY shutout) by a man who referred to my friend as.....Billy Bardy....on account of his height....Al, hopefully you understood the reference this time if you were listening on the radio....and you don't look like that little bastard :)

Interesting Texts During Blackout:

• Buffalo must have got hit with a lightning Bolt!
  

• How in 2008 does a fucking stadium have power issues? Is Buffalo in Russia?

• I blame George Bush for the power outage.

• ChargersaheadOOOOyea (very short lived sentiment)

• Disgusting (oh...that was at the end of the game)

Texts Courtesy of:

1. Bolt Fan in Donkey Land;
   
2. No I'm not joking.......and stop calling me Shirley;
   
3. Tortured Father......
4. Bolt Fan in Donkey Land...again!

Cheers Gentlemen....Where were the rest of you?

Back to the game and our requested recipe for disaster:

We suggested an egg-white omelet (i.e. scramble Trent Edwards Brain again).....mmmm......the guy carved us to pieces like Cecil the Butcher!

Win the turnover battle...mmmm....lost that badly...0-3.

We'll point to one sequence in the beginning of the fourth quarter which best describes 2008:

1st Down--15 yrd completion to Vincent Jackson
1st Down--Run
2nd Down--Run
3rd Down--Run
4th Down--Punt
...and so it goes.

We now fly to a part of the world that cannot comprehend why we play a game with our hands yet insist on calling it "FOOT"BALL. Do these sound like people who can be converted? Good move Goodell!

We have that London Debacle that awaits us and then two more trips to the EST, which obviously is an impossibility for us to win in. If the Broncos begin a free-fall we can catch 'em on December 27th and win the division at 8-8. Ahhhhh.....,the torture, that is being a San Diego Sports Fan......perhaps as a tortured group, the following should be our new blog logo:

Either this, or we can just altogether begin blogging about politics, the 2008 Vote, and how, to paraphrase Tyler Durden:

"Obama and McCain are just polishing the brass on the Titanic...it's all goin' down man."

We applaud your efforts, "to get out the vote", Ms. Alba and we concur with the sentiment: Censorship Is Un-American!.....Only You can silence yourself!.......We Enjoy the photos, they are Very tasteful!

As currently constituted.....two choices aren't much more than one.

If you're disaffected with your lack of choice then you should still vote......as a MEASURE OF PROTEST! It's the Patriotic thing to do!

Speaking of Patriotism...or The Patriot Act anyway.......watching the Chargers is like being water-boarded each Sunday......we might have to focus on another avenue of torture.....The 2008 Election....arghh...it seems like an epoch gone past since the hoopla began......

Stay Tuned!