Living in the Past: Reflections on the Denver Route

We have included some images from the "AFC West Championship game last Sunday" and wanted to revisit it one last time before moving forward to the Wild card game against the Colts tomorrow. As you can see to the left, there was no shortage of Hochuli impersonators. That ol timer had a blind man's walking cane--and should have been charging $1 per picture--he was getting mobbed. It set the tone perfectly for the day....and then it was halftime and we were up 24-6. What to do during a blowout? Hmmm...

Well on a day where it now appears as though you'll be going to the playoffs at 8-8 and your ARCHENEMY the New England Patriots will be sitting at home this post season with an 11-5 mark, there is really only one thing to do....start an antagonizing text message war with one of your best friends...who incidentally hails from Boston...

Yes, I was the dickhead who was texting during the game, but I didn't begin until we were blowing the Donkeys out (ooh, that was beginning to sound like an entertainment show in TJ) and it is worth noting that I am an excellent mutitasker. Below is the text transcript, cleaned of hurried spelling errors (mostly, I think)...Enjoy Boston Fan floundering in agony (sorry TL)...

WE are blue and BOSTON is red...

October 12th, 2008. Meaningless regular season game?
Go blow your brother and I hope LT gets aids and dies. We are 11-5 and don't make the playoffs! That's fuckin' bullshit. Fuck the Jets as well. Lets...(Transmission of part 2 failed...lost in texting space)
That's hilarious...and going on the blog! Too funny!
And don't worry, LT will cry like a bitch by the end of the playoffs and I am betting on every other coach in the league to out coach Norv Turner.
Were there tears when you wrote that? Good luck with the Yankees in '09!
No tears just anger and Three Championship Trophies!
AHHH...the asterisk card!

What will you be doing next weekend?
Not watching the Pats, so what's your point?
Say you're watchin' the Bruins...not the front runnin' Celts!

Don't be jealous, just watch as your joke of a sports town lets you down again.

It's all good, your town never wins a thing ever and this year won't be any different.
What are you getting Tom and Giselle for the big day? You should have time to shop!
Don't Know.
Seriously...what are you getting them?

Saux should sign Manny!
It's not going to happen. We have to "hope" Lowell is healthy and Ortiz plays well like we are used to.
Hope...that sounds pretty liberal. Who did you vote for?
Not for the guy who wants to tax me more. I am a realist not a socialist.

This just in...Peyton Manning wins the 2009 MVP....that's O.K....we have HOPE (PR received 2 first place votes).

And so the text battle ended and it felt good. It hurt to see a friend in pain......but fuck him and his teams!!!

After the game all of Charger Nation was happy and continued to revel in the ecstasy of avenging the "Hochuli Bowl"....below are some Bolt fans with an excellent banner....what you cannot see is the background action which our camera failed to adequately capture...

...a young Denver Bronco Fan, 25ish and female, decided to "gear up" and bring a rather large prop (A Bronco stuffed animal). What ensued was a game of "keep away" and little Bronco sailed back and forth to a symphony of cheers, tears, and "fuck you, you fuckin' assholes!!!!!". It was kind of sad actually and I felt bad for her. She did land a lot of kicks to the rear-ends of taunting Charger fans but it did little to assuage her agony.

When in enemy territory....wear your team gear....but leave the props at home...or at least hide them as you enter and exit the gates of hell!

Mailbag: Questionable Questions...Suspect Answers

The following email came from a litigious Avenger in the city of Angels:

Dear Avenger-In-Chief

Go Bolts! I guess this is the dream situation—or at least the best dream that could’ve come out of this dismal season…

But I’ve been wondering—and I haven’t heard anything up here so I was wondering if they’re talking about it down there—if the Chargers lose to the Broncos, would they still have been the division champs if they had won the first match up? If so, doesn’t that mean that Ed Hochuli would have cost the city of San Diego the playoff money that would’ve come from a postseason? Not to mention the bonuses the players would have received?

-Sword Wielding Avenger in An-ga-leez

Chuck Norris my Ass!...Ed Hochuli is the one who inspires fear.

To which we offered the following assessment:

Thank you for the question, S.W. Avenger in Angaleez.

If we had won the first match-up we'd be 8-7 and they would be 7-8. If they then beat us we would be leveled at 8-8 with the H2H split. We would have won the next tie break which is best division record.

So we are in a position to lose out on playoff money if we lose this weekend...which of course would be due to Ed's negligence...so we have cause if we do the UNTHINKABLE and blow it this weekend! Perhaps Ed's firm can represent us?

Not my area of expertise, so I shall seek additional legal counsel....

We decided to go to our Greater Great Lakes Area Expert On Jurisprudence. He is not barred in California or Colorado but his legal acumen is always spot on. In some circles he's known as "Eye Patch" and others he's just "Your Boy Blue"....in either case, don't let the nickname discourage you from believing in his ability to represent HateThePatriots....

I, Benicio Del Toro,as Dr. Gonzo will serve as the graphic representation of this site's Legal Team

......you should probably be more worried that our barrister in any way resembles that of Hunter S. Thompson's personal lawyer. We will assuage your reservation by noting that he eschews psychedelic drugs for cases of Miller High Life........we are comfortable and accepting of that vice.

Chief,

At first blush it does not seem as though the City of San Diego could sue Ed Hochuli personally. They would have to sue the NFL, the organization he works for, because his actions were a part of his duty for the NFL. Although, if it were discovered that Ed had placed a bet in Vegas on said game, then this would expose him to personal liability because this would be seen as reason and motive outside the scope of his job for his blunder.

Another wrinkle is it may have to be the San Diego Chargers who must sue, because it is them, not the City that have a contractual relationship with the NFL. (Although the City could join the suit, if it owns Jack Murphy Stadium (n/k/a Qualcom, which I think they do). If San Diego wins its suit it can claim damages to those who were foreseeable victims, i.e. City of San Diego, J. Murphy Stadium, Avenger-in-Chief and Cronies (in their roles as fans, crazy persons, SARS members, and most importantly tailgaters).

Sincerely ,

Your Boy Blue
In-House Counsel for Pats Haters

We hope that this in some way answers your question, S.W. Avenger in Angaleez. It should be noted for the record, however, that all merits for the case will go out the window when we make The Little Hillbilly cry on Sunday evening. We'll have no cause upon conclusion of the final regular season game of 2008. It is always wise to have a contingency plan and we are thankful that you have brought it to our attention.

My hair's like the weather in San Diego....Sweet! And I'm better than John Elway.

Charger Wins and Bronco Losses: Voodoo, Karma and Rose Pedals

The Denver Donkey Voodoo Snowman came through with flying colors and it was a glorious thing to behold...

To think that all it took to string together an improbable combination of Charger Victories and Bronco Choke-jobs was a little backwoods Haitian Voodoo...

a fairly straightforward premise proposed back on December 8th that used semantics to trick us into believing...

The Bolts don't really need to win three in a row while having Denver lose three in a row...it's much more simple than that.........(Shhhh...we have to win one in a row...three times...the correct spin is necessary to swallow this unlikely scenario)

All we have to do is defeat KC at Arrowhead next week and have the Donks lose back east in Carolina...that's it...

....so that we can have a chance the following week back east in Buccaneer Country whereby the Bills will then sojourn in Mile High to knock the fake and bake off of Mike Shanahan's face.....

, and finally the other worldly wisdom of the 14th Incarnation of the Dalai Lama and Jessica Alba, the spiritual advisers to HateThePatriots.blogspot.com.....

This amalgam of belief systems has brought us to this space in time...a time when karmic balance can return as two teams meet, with everything on the line, to right the wrongs of the past. The next ritual will be that of exorcism as the Roman Catholic Church is called in to rid us of the wayward spirit of Ed Hochuli.

No stone left unturned was the mantra for getting us into the playoffs so we here are personally exhausted but look forward to seeing the one final ingredient in action that will bring us to the precipice of football immortality......momentum!

Stage Two of "One-in-a Row" is complete leaving us only with Stage Three, a stage which is controlled solely by the Chargers......at home......momentum friends.......fucking momentum!

Seek Counsel From Sages

His Holiness the Dalai Lama, Tenzin Gyatso, believes it to be our Karma to meet the Broncos on December 28th with the AFC West title at stake.

Meet with Nobel Laureates...Free Tibet...Return from Exile...Get Chargers a Win

Such an act would restore balance to this time and place...a balance that was disturbed by a man named, Ed Hochuli.

Ms. Alba agrees with, and endorses, the counsel of His Holiness.

Really...she's a huge fan

When in doubt, seek sagely advice to right your path. Fortunately our "Collective" can rely on the profound wisdom from both of these kind souls. Viva la "One-in-a-Row" numero dos!

Donkey Update: "One-in-a-Row" part II

As we inch closer to this weekend's festivities, I can not begin to explain the random statements and comments that are flying around these parts.

There are actually interviews being conducted with Denver Donkey players talking about Super Bowl runs etc......Where do they get this ridiculous false sense of confidence?

After what unfolded last week when our CHARGERS (yes ugly, but still a W) pulled off the unthinkable with 1:13 remaining, the Donkeys then proceeded to fall apart in their afternoon game.

The most recent Buzz today was that they are not thinking about the Chargers, but only worrying about the Bills. I will take this opportunity to call BULLSHIT, to those statements. Deep down the Donkeys know that they were given more then a gift back in week 2 when ED
handed them a division win against our Chargers....

Ed "Oops, My Bad" Hochuli

I had the privilege of being alone to single handedly let 68,000+ fans know how bad that call was (superlative, superlative, superlative) and that the Chargers truly should have been given the win.

Then you have the broadcasters on the radio who don't buy into the false confidence the Donkeys are attempting to portray. Instead, what is being stated on the radio is more along the lines of: Who is going to show up week to week with the Donkeys? No one really knows.

Here is what we do know heading into this weekend. Donkeys have no tail back, and Jay Chokler is good for a minimum of 1 pick, but I can't shake this feeling that he has even more in him. Buffalo will be here in the weather they are used to, Frigid cold (Yes that was -4 on the dash). As of today the projected low for Sunday is -2 and may reach a balmy high of 17. This is NOT something that the Bills are unfamiliar with, so I enter this weekend very confident that the Bills will take care of business as they nearly did against the Jets last week.

Jay Chokler? I thought I was "Little Hillbilly"?

As we CHARGER fans enter the last days of the week before this large Tampa Bay outing, we can only be left to again ask the million dollar question. Why did we wait so long to open up our offense?

This is more than a must win for us! It is a statement game, to show that even with our many sub par performances thus far, we are a great team by beating a 9 and 5 Tampa team. I am confident that we will roll in there with something to prove. LT will have a great day rushing, while Vincent Jackson will have 7 catches for 112 yrds, and Gates will be more often utilized.

We all came together to WILL our CHARGERS to victory last week, and all of our heroics are again needed this weekend.

Men, lets come together in this time of need and again WILL our CHARGERS to the AFC WEST division decider in SAN DIEGO December 28th.

GO BOLTS!

CHARGER FAN IN DONKEY LAND

Embedded In Donkey Territory

a scenic path for your Donkey to travel

I am behind enemy lines (Denver) and not reporting as I should be back to base.

Being in this location I am forced to listen to different sports radio stations. One in particular that I listen to is 104.3 The Fan.

I leave work the other night and flip the radio on to hear the crew on the Fan commenting on Norv. They are nominating him for quite possibly the worst coach in the history of the NFL. This because he was dealt a full house when given his position with the players he already had in place, and has seemed to find ways to lose based on play calls, etc... throughout the season.

This again was something that was stated by Donkey Country Radio Hosts. One of the guys is a real homer however and was chanting about the Donkeys going to the Super Bowl (yeah).

The other clown had the intelligence level to remind him that the Jackasses have lost to the Raiders, and the Chiefs and by no means are these last two games give always to Carolina and Buffalo before they need to come to SD for the beating they deserve....not to mention the one we already gave them in Denver (thanks Ed).

So in a nut shell we have some Donkey Radio Hosts that are not buying into the Jackass hype quite yet. Though our window is closing rapidly there is still hope and hope is all we need.

Even though we only beat the Haiders last week, which was no surprise, I saw the smiles and the confidence on the players that I have not seen in weeks, maybe not even this season.

That is the confidence we needed to push us the extra mile to win out and hope that the Donkeys show their true colors. Not only the Putrid Orange and Blue they wear, but Cutler tossing the ball to those in other jerseys.

a.k.a. little hillbilly

We must all come together in this time of need for the CHARGERS and become Carolina and Buffalo fans......the playoffs actually start:

Date: 12/28/2008

Time: 1:15pm

Location: The Murph (a.k.a. The Q)

Lets make this our first playoff game men.

KEEP THE FAITH.

Charger Fan in Donkey Land.

Almost Famous?

Last week we discussed the HATETHEPATRIOTS blog being mentioned by the Scott & B.R. Show on XX1090 during our friend Zino's weekly Top 10 radio spot. Zino mentioned our zeal for loathing the Patriots but failed to call us by name, to our dismay.

No worries though! Scott and B.R. had heard of us......no doubt, through the full on barrage of propaganda emails we had been shooting their way. Upon first listen we felt as though the morning fellas were quite annoyed by our existence.....until we received an mp3 of Zino's Top 10 Reasons The Chargers Creamed The Patriots.
Listen closely at the 1 minute mark when Scott and B.R. mention they know who we are:

upon further review

We Sense Approval!

You'll have to be the Judge. CLICK HERE for the Scott & B.R. Show audio clip.

Off Topic:

Thankfully the Donkeys Suck!

And.....

Did anyone see Mark Grace on the World Series pregame coverage by Fox? This guy belongs strictly on radio talking to Jim Rome about bangin' Slumpbusters! He was so uncomfortable and fidgety with spastic hands that we thought it was comedian Louis Black:

Cut down on the coffee Gracey....or the amphetamines for Christ's Sake! You
aren't playin' ball anymore!

Considering our brush with Hank Bauer after the Boston Massacre of September 16th , 2007 and then our brief email correspondence with Ed Hochuli and now a round-about reference on a sports radio talk show at 5:45 am we're ready to proclaim that, in the words of Cameron Crowe, we're Almost Famous:

WE ARE GOLDEN GODS!

(actually not a quote by Cameron Crowe....but it was the title of his autobiographic film as a Rolling Stone Journalist....why quibble over a minor detail?)

Two Cents from a Bolt Fan in Donkey Land

Some have seen the following diatribe from "Super Charger Fan in Denver" but it's worth posting for ALL to see. This San Diego transplant is like few fans you will EVER see! He is hardcore....He is to fanhood, what "Air Jordan" was to the NBA: ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL!
He has passion folks!

The Ancients didn't write obituaries...they only asked, did he live with PASSION? I don't know if the "Ancients" actually said that but Jeremy Piven uttered it in the film Serendipity and we think it is applicable here...especially since Piven won an Emmy last night. Passion, People! It needed to be posted now because of the timeliness that is tonight's Monday Night Battle versus th J-E-T-S. Enjoy the PASSION:

Gentlemen, Friends, and Charger fans alike:

I have chosen to wait to respond to the despicable display of zebra whistles until now. As one of the lone dedicated Charger Fans to walk the streets and be forced to live at this elevation with no ocean, only a pond or two, I felt it necessary to honor the mighty Bolts and all fans of San Diego by attending the game along with my wife, and a buddy from San Diego.

We arrived to a parking lot full of the despicable Orange and Navy; not a minute had passed after stepping out of our vehicle when a 60 year old woman screams in our direction "Chargers lick ass", interesting comment coming from a Jackass fan in Donkey Country. To my surprise I did see some Chargers jerseys, but most were quiet and did not represent, as they should have.

As we approached our seats among the Orange Cowboy hats we realized that we were in the minority and would have to yell for all of San Diego. The game began and the Donkeys marched down the field to our chagrin for the first TD of the game. The cheers rang out and we sat in silence, then began to cheer as the kickoff came our way. Then came the first HOME FIELD advantage incident. The "interception" that was not, occurred. Out came the red flag as I let all know around me for sections that the ball was complete and easy on the premature celebrations. Then what do you know. The Donkey Electrical has an issue; the plug got pulled on the review camera. Tell me gentlemen, does the NFL have that little money that they cannot have a backup? What should we say, 80" Plasma for any replay necessary? Maybe an extra tent or curtain to cover them up should that be required. Why not send it upstairs (novel concept?) And then it happened, the beginning of the most irresponsible refereeing display in NFL history, live before my eyes.

It was amazing how the fans began talking to us as we were their friends with the score 3 to 21, but when Sproles took one back for 103yrds the silence was deafening, other than our screams and high fives while the voice was still there. Then the pick in the end zone, and Sproles again taking it to the house for the 63 yrd scamper and we went up 38-31. An eerie silence came over the stadium yet again. Little did we know at this point that we were about to witness with our own eyes the worst blown call in the history of the NFL.

Our section of 3 erupted as the fumble happened and we CLEANLY recovered the ball with 1:14 left on the clock. Game over high fives around and the silence again through out the repulsive Orange and Blue. Then the darkness came over us as the explanation of the absolute inexcusable blown dead call in the history of not only the NFL, but also all football on every level. Yes including the Super bowl halftime lingerie bowl. Everyone cheered as I yelled this game will be forever marked with an "*" as the ball went back to Denver. Then for them to be 4th and goal and convert, to only come back for a 2 point conversion, made me not only disgusted by our defensive performance, but them converting that was a total lack of respect for our defense.

This week in front of a National audience we must step up on the defensive side and destroy the Jets as we get the skunk off the boat and land our first Victory of the year. I am calling right now minimum of 2 picks tonight. One, by Cromartie and another from Hart. This is a must win as the rest of the games of this season will be, as we are unable to count on any other team to make a 50% of there field goal attempts, and present the Donkey's will their first loss. Though it has been a difficult couple of weeks. This is our coming out party tonight on National Television.

We must stand strong together in VICTORY GO BOLTS!