Too Steep of "Mountains" for Alba to Climb

In The Sports World:
Shunned for cutting her bangs and birthing a child, Jessica Alba was handily defeated by a 22 year old Brit at the 2009 Hot Ladies Tournament. This Sports Blog wept...the cause taken up too late in the game.

The task was daunting....like asking Sir Edmund Hillary to climb Everest without oxygen or his Sherpa, Tenzing Norgay....in TWO days no less! To overcome a 24 point deficit with this country's current state of voter apathy? For even the staunchest of Alba party supporters, these were Mountains far too grand to scale. I am however, proud of OUR efforts and His Holiness The Dalai Lama would have been touched by the Eleventh Hour pull to save his Co-Spiritual Adviser.

It was an upmountains battle and the polling over the last two days shook out like this:

Only a 1% increase but the reason never could have been more obvious....

Can Man be faulted for choosing Keeley Hazell? We think not.

We appreciate the supporters of this site and their efforts to maintain the privileged status of our Spiritual Sage.

Also a special thanks to The World's Ombudsmen for rallying the East Coast Contingent. Cheers.

For the remainder of the 2009 Thighnal Four: Sharapova's Thigh

From Bennifer to Mannywood

I took time out to think yesterday.

Yes. Between strategy sessions for boosting Jessica Alba's Thighnal Four possibilities I began to think about something other than the Memphis Tigers-like thrashing Ms. Alba was being served in the 2009 Hot Ladies Tournament. Let us be candid....while the hot ladies are good sport we needed something with, I don't know, a little more balls....

Like a spider monkey cavorting down the avenues of my mind came the following: Bennifer-Brangelina- TomKat -BenJen-Billary......oh please stop, mind..... the dreaded celebrity super-couple uni-name. I curse that Masshole Ben Affleck and J-Lo for ever opening the door to overexposed combo names..... but the real question is why on Earth would that inane topic be blighting my mind?

Which brings us full circle to sports and the current union of names: Manny Ramirez and Hollywood went forth, fornicated and left us with the dirty afterbirth known as: Mannywood.

I thought of the idiocy of this combo-name in great detail yesterday: great detail constituted 1 minute and 29 seconds where my thought's exclamation point was a resounding, "Fuck'n' Hell!". Does everything need to be reduced to a cute little name? Apparently so. Such a creative lot are we. But what I didn't realize was that the cutsie name was actually a LAtrine promotion. When did I find this out? Well today of course.....

Manny Ramirez was suspended for a whopping 50 games for steroids! Another fraud exposed.

I don't think Manny could get wood.....hence the female fertility drug.... ahhh, the side effects of steroids.

According to ESPN 800 Mannywood is the left field section where Jag-offs can purchase an overpriced ticket ($99--clever) and a Manny T-shirt. What to do Los Angeles, now that your Pajama wearing LF is on the rack trying to get his testicles to return to normal without using a banned female fertility drug? The Los Angeles Times reported and we copied and pasted:

Ramirez tested positive during spring training for "a banned performance-enhancing substance that is not technically an anabolic steroid," according to a source not authorized to speak publicly about the issue.

The substance, identified by the source as human chorionic gonadotropin (HCG), could legitimately be prescribed for a man who does not naturally produce enough testosterone, according to a high-ranking sports doping authority. But HCG often is used as an antidote to diminished testosterone levels at the end of a cycle of steroid treatments, said BALCO founder and convicted steroid dealer Victor Conte.

HCG is one of dozens of substances prohibited under baseball's drug policy. Players can call a hotline to check on the legality of any substances, and they can obtain a therapeutic use exemption for any legitimate medical use of a banned substance.

"This is failing more than a drug test," Conte said. "This is failing an IQ test.

Well....my friend Boston (from Boston) always said, "Manny's a fucking moron!". That was even when the Sox were winning a 2007 World Series.

The truly sad part of this entire ordeal is not that one more hero of our generation* has fallen, disgracing himself and our National Pastime but that, absent Manny Ramirez, the Padres STILL don't have a chance at the division!!

What's up with Edwin Moreno? That guy was clearly decomposing at the bottom of the dumpster that Kevin Towers found him in.

*The greatest right handed hitter in the game....it's not quite Pujols yet....very close though.....did you know that Albert Pujols carries a Louis Vitton man purse? Saw it with my own two eyes as he walked through the Gaslamp in 2006. Es La Verdad.)

Jessica Alba needs your help...

Those in the "know" recognize Jessica Alba as one of the spiritual advisers to this site.....she now calls on your aid, a Sage in need.

Chicago sports blog, Sharapova's Thigh, has been running a March Madness style tournament for hot ladies, appropriately titled: 2009 Hot Ladies Tournament. Jessica Alba is a number one seed and has reached The Elite Eight....where she's currently being crushed by the number 2 seed, a Big Breasted Brit named Keeley Hazell.

I won't stoop so low as to appeal to jingoism in attempting to defeat the British Bombshell. Don't let national origins sway you......or gigantic, errr...boxing gloves.

I shall appeal only to reason...your reason. Jessica Alba is a beacon of light during the most dire of times.....she is a symbol...of all that ever was good and will be again (James Earl Jones as Terrence Mann in Field of Dreams). Reason, Ladies and Gentlemen. Reason.

I urge you to perform your civic duty. Vote and nullify the corrupted Chicago political machine. Push Ms. Alba on to the Final Four.

An Alba defeat could very well lead to the spontaneous combustion of this site........think about it. The below standings are unacceptable(only counting my vote once?!)!

Vote for Alba @ Sharapova's Thigh [Click]

That is a nice piece of fish...very dependable

I apologize to the Faithful Eleven*. You are a small but devoted contingent and you deserve better than the infrequency of my random posts. But I'm here to proclaim that your visit shall pay dividends tonight. You are about to gain access to the official catch phrase of this blog......one of those little insider-only-isms.....and here it is:

That is a nice piece of fish....very dependable.

Yes.....I find the Jack-in-the-Box commercial for Mini Buffalo Ranch Chicken Sandwiches one of the funniest things going. That old man in the body wrap blanket waxing nostalgic about a McDonald's filet-o-fish sandwich kills me. What? You don't get it? Neither does my wife and that's ok....let's explain:

It's funny, no explanations needed. There are currently no internet representations of this commercial so you're forced to take my word on its awesomeness....the following You Tube video should be convincing enough as to all-around general comedy found in Jack commercials:

Now that you're a believer, how is it that you can incorporate our catch phrase into daily living? Quite simple really. Anything that is "good" should be modified as follows: That banned Jack commercial was dope! It's a good piece of fish...very dependable.
Let's try some more.....Heath Bell just pitched the 9th and 10th struck out FOUR, got the win and broke our losing streak: Nice piece of fish...very dependable.

Can you believe that Jessica Alba just had a baby? Look at that body! That is a nice piece of fish...very dependable.

Very Dependable

or......
How about that weather today? 74 degrees and breezy! San Diego: A nice piece of fish....very dependable.
This blog, brother? A nice piece of fish....very dependable (working on the dependable component). You get the point.

Go forth, Faithful Eleven, and propagate our message. We look forward to hearing this phrase reach critical mass across the 28 countries we've been exposed to....man up, Slovenia!

Become a part of the lexicon....2009's Truthiness.

*the Faithful Eleven is an arbitrary designation to those who check this blog frequently. It's not actually as low as eleven...on account of being huge in Europe's Eastern bloc.

An Odyssey Yields Riches

We haven't properly hated on the New England Patriots in a while so enjoy the following, courtesy of Sports Illustrated.com:

It's the Grinch's birthday. Happy B-Day you s.o.b.!
Editor's Note: (Friday 7:00AM)
Don't know EXACTLY how Twitter Works but apparently our site is on the Twitter page for "Patriot News".....which is fairly funny.....we thinks:

Yes Patriot Fans....Click the link to find that it's Belichick's Birthday.....and that we hate you!

Oh, the things you come across when you're searching for a picture of the idiot Mets fan who interfered with a ball in play and cost his team a run...we thank you on multiple levels....a Padre win and an opportunity to see what an NFL Draft for Cheerleaders would look like....

Cheerleader Draft 2009
[Jock and Balls]

....and then, one link beget another link, and just like the six degrees of Kevin Bacon we were directed to the happiest place on earth.

A Bone To Pick with XX

The Monday night XX1090 Bleacher Bum broadcast brought us the following:

"NFL EXPERT Peter King said, 'I think the Chargers would be wise to move on from LT'. That's SI.com writer and NFL EXPERT Peter King's opinion, not mine".

This bit of information was popped in right before a commercial break by Jordan Downtown and there was no further elaboration. The point seemed to be that there was an Expert out there who felt it.....an Expert out there who said it.....Peter King is an authority and Expert on the NFL....Therefore Peter King's opinion should be accepted in good faith and taken as NFL gospel.....Peter King said it San Diego and, 'You need to accept it'......don't shoot the messenger (Jordan).

Whether LT should stay or go is incidental. Nor is it of primary importance that the comment was incendiary in nature as there was no legitimate set-up to the quote or discussion afterwards. It was simply dropped in before the break.....and the listener was asked to accept it as sound analysis due to the source: Peter King......Your NFL "Expert".

There are many people who are granted the title of "Expert" in a wide array of fields. Look at any case that makes it to court. The Defense always counters the Prosecution's "Experts" with their own set of "Experts". Their goal....to convince the jury that their opinion on the matter is MORE "Expert" than the opinion that stands in opposition.

How about Experts in terrorism? Richard Clarke held the title of "Terror Czar" leading up to the 9/11/2001 attacks which essentially meant he was thee terrorism Expert. He was the Expert who was most correct in his analysis of the threat by a terror organization known as al Qaeda. But there was another group of Experts who thought his national security assessment was a bit too dire and did not require immediate attention. Those Experts carried titles such as National Security Adviser, Secretary of Defense and a few other notable positions at the top of our government's hierarchy. Ironically it was Richard Clarke who offered apologies in the wake of this tragedy.

Those two examples serve to illustrate the point that anybody can be called an Expert but that the label in and of itself does not signify infallibility. We know this to be true. Infallibility is not a common trait amongst men.

Here is the big issue though. When you have a wide reaching forum (a XX1090 Radio Program) and you throw out a statement such as, "Peter King is an Expert. Here's what he said. Accept it as fact because I attached the Expert label.", it creates a problem because it gives the audience license to accept the author's opinion as a given. Why do any research on our own? We've already been told that an expert said it! The question, good listener/reader, should really be: Who is this Peter King fellow, Expert of NFL Goings On?

Obey

I am here, XX listeners, to share with you some valuable insight regarding Mr. Peter King. On Sunday evenings as well as Super Bowl Sunday we are treated to what amounts to the game of the week and it is broadcast by NBC (Forget MNF-It's DEAD). There are many Experts who sit on the pre-game panel for NBC's game of the week....broadcast Experts such as Bob Costas, Dan Patrick, Keith Olberman, ET AL. Then you have your former football players who are Experts in game strategy, formations, and general information that only former Grid Iron Greats have experienced and understand therefore seem best equipped to explain to the lay fan. Then there is your print journalist who contributes to the show. He is also an "Expert" and he shares all of his scoops with the public. This Expert's Name is Peter King.

Oh where to begin?

The panel of Experts for NBC included Matt Millen during the Super Bowl. Matt Millen is the worst General Manager in the history of football. This is not hyperbole nor is it opinion! It is an indisputable fact yet NBC saw fit to have him espousing his views cultivated as an NFL Insider for the last two decades...installed as an EXPERT. Be weary of the man who bears the crown of Expert (and engineers 0-16 teams).

You see, the hallmark of any successful franchise, is the stockpiling of WRs

Question anyone who would pawn off Matt Millen as an Expert in educating football minds! This new found skepticism will then force you to more closely analyze Peter King's viewpoints. Peter King, the Expert, chose the following teams for his Final Four this year: New England, Jacksonville, Dallas, and Minnesota. Not very Expert. Do you know who he picked to win the AFC North? Browns. Wild card Picks? Colts and Jets. Hmmm....what's missing?

Steelers missed the playoffs!?!?!?!
Expert?

Bleacher Bum Jordan expects you to take his word that Peter King is an "Expert" but we will ask that you suspend acceptance of that belief until you read a part of his weekly SI.com article:

Enjoyable/Aggravating Travel Note of the Week

Sight to behold on the day after the Super Bowl at the Orlando Airport: Group of Steelers fans, getting ready to fly home, seated in the Continental departure area, waiting for a flight to Newark. They're happy. They're disheveled. One 40-ish man, portly, has a black Penguins T-shirt on, and he's eating some chicken, and he doesn't have a napkin, and when he finishes, he takes the bottom of his T-shirt, lifts it up, wipes his mouth with it -- revealing a huge and hairy stomach --and then wipes his hands with it.

Would you take those crazed rambling as those of an Expert? It sounds like the lunacy of a blogger who writes of inane concepts like The Holy Trinity of Jessicas and somehow tries to equate Brett Favre of the Jets to the Pussycat Dolls. Writing about "stupid shit" is in the realm of expertise for this blog so please don't ever confuse my football "Opinions" to be that of an "Expert".....unless I'm discussing "stupid shit" as my credentials are unmatched. In short, don't let Peter King do your thinking for you (he's frequently wrong).

Peter King Musing About A Fat Steeler Fan or Pictures of Jessica Alba?

This has been a treatise on the misapplication of the "Expert" label in all aspects of life. It was not so much an attempt to nitpick XX1090's host but to emphasize the importance of inquiry as opposed to the acceptance of random opinions as dogma.

The intended purpose was also to speak for the Fans.....The fans of San Diego Sports.

That loyal group of Fans who oddly enough seem to be in the minority these days.....never the less, our loyalty to the Chargers and Padres will be rewarded......someday.

Just Tryin' to Keep it Real....

~For More Peter King "Ridiculousness": Click Here

Super Bowl XLIII Has Arrived:Predictions and Minutiae

Today's game got us thinking about some of the teams that didn't make it to the big dance. Obviously, the Chargers failed to make it and when we San Diegans reflect, we think of what may have been had Shawne Merriman's knees held up. Would he have been the cure to our defensive ills? Other team's fans ask these same questions, none more so than Cowboy Fan...

Yes. Cowboy fans ask themselves: "What would have happened had Tony never shacked up with Jessica?". Surely young Romo would have been more focused and the 'Boys would have not only been in this year's Super Bowl but they would have been the team to knock off the Patriots last season, says Cowboy fan. I'm not from Texas and I'm not a fan of the Cowboys. To those fans who would suggest that Jessica Simpson is the foil to Tony Romo's attainment of a championship I say the following.......It's a two way street.....

These two have completely sabotaged each other and we're a lot more upset about the turn Ms. Simpson has taken.....it's a sad day when you begin opting for images of the lip syncing, nose jobbed little sister Simpson. ROMO! We hold you responsible for this! You have destroyed the Holy Trinity of Jessicas!

In the Name of the Alba

The Biel


and the Pop Singer Simpson

This is on you Romo! We hope you never win a Superbowl!

Which brings us to today's game...

Steelers 27 Cardinals 17.

The Steelers have a 3 point lead late but the 'Zonies are driving for a go ahead score.....Anquan Boldin goes across the middle makes a leaping and courageous catch only to be destroyed by Ryan Clark, Killer of Men. Who's there to scoop up the live ball? Mr. Do-Everything, and USC's own......Troy Polamalu.

The best player in the NFL

Troy Polamalu is your Super Bowl XLIII MVP.....and Vegas agrees with the assessment. TP helped cover that 7point spread with his late score.

Enjoy your guacamole...

Season's End Breeds Existential Dillema...hyperbole alert...

"Tim Dobbins and Eric Weddle Stop Willie Parker" was the UT caption for this photo....Are you kidding me! We didn't stop Willie Parker ALL DAY LONG...nor is tackling really when two human beings ride you 'til you fall 5 yards down field...sorry but it's not....and it's a problem worth discussing.

Ye quietly devoted Charger Fans and Patriot Haters: I found myself quite conflicted this morning as I decided whether or not to keep my New Year's resolution. Do I post Dear Patriot Tears (wretched Patriot nonsense) every day when I feel as though I need to take a break and decompress after a difficult end to the Bolts' season? I decided to abandon Patriot Tears and take a break all together...

Then I changed my mind. I looked at the ol' Google Analytics this morning and I was quickly reminded that while the majority of people who view this Blog each day are from CA and presumably Charger Fans there is also a disparate collection of readers from Australia to Singapore, Brazil to the UK, and France to the Eastern Block of Europe. This is to say nothing for the fact that nearly 40/50 U.S. states have taken a peek. At that moment I decided that the Patriot Haters of the World needed their daily fix of Bahhston Cries and that the Trail of Tears would continue...

Taking the Piss out of Patriot Fan is too much Fun to Abandon

As a Charger Fan, however, I was not crazy about espousing Patriot Hatred while remaining mum about MY team...The San Diego Chargers. In the form of new ownership for the Padres we have witnessed a glimmer of hope sparkling on the distant horizon that is the Padres' 2009 baseball season yet I find myself still very detached. Because of my continued attachment to football I would like to continue talking football and therefore there will be no break.

This is an issue worth discussing. What's the LT answer?

I know people are reading but I often feel like a tree falling in the wilderness with no one to witness it....does that tree make a sound with out a soul there to hear it? The origins of this blog were rooted in a desire for a Charger/Padre fan to vent about East Coast Sports Elitism.....specifically in the form of the New England Patriot Fan base. This blog was also meant to be a forum for others of like mind (trolls are also welcome as we champion dissent) to comment, discuss, propose, and answer questions amongst themselves. My writing is long winded, verbose, occasionally funny and just downright stupid sometimes....but it is always rooted in being a fan of San Diego teams who have NEVER won a championship ( I refuse to count the Chargers' 1963 AFL Championship against the Boston Patriots as it was before my time....yet I love the irony of the team that we beat).

So I guess my point is this: What do the Chargers need to do to improve for next season? What are our primary draft needs? How can I interject Jessica Alba into an off season discussion forum? These are all pressing issues that demand resolution.....we need your comments though...let's discuss...

Commenting For Dummies:

• Go to the bottom of post you have just read.

• See-- "0 Comments" or 1...or 2....pathetically 6 is the record for this little Blog.

• Click "0 Comments" or 1...or 2....pathetically 6 is the record number for this little Blog.

• Type Thoughts in Pop up Box.

• Click Anonymous or sign in with a g-mail account. Creative names are the best.."DieTeddyDie"

• Then Click "publish your comment"

I guess it's not that difficult to work in the odd picture here and there...

Nirvana Awaits Sayeth The Sages: Divisional Round

The Sages say...

It's that time of week again...Sage Advice! Because we're superstitious? No! Because we're Buddhist? No! Because it's a cheap way to infuse Jessica Alba pictures into a post about playoff football? No! Look..it is what is. Better not to ask questions but to know and accept that this nonsense is working...which means, of course, that it makes sense! Without further adieu...

Young fanatics...it is the elimination of suffering that you seek on your way to a perfect state: Nirvana. A victory will bring you peace and happiness thus one step closer to your ultimate goal of Nirvana/A Superbowl Victory. In this state you will be free of petty fixations and you will have compassion for all.

Look at our blog URL...are we capable of having compassion for all?

Trust us. Upon attainment of your goal the anguish in your lives will be extinguished...at that time you will receive an otherworldly glow that only others who have also received enlightenment will notice. When you have reached enlightenment you will find it easy to let go of the negative...

Is there anything else we can do to transcend this difficult task that awaits us at 1:45 pm on Sunday January 11th?

Remember your winning combinations....and stop the Defensive Player of The Year! He is an obstacle to Nirvana...

Thank you Sages.

Hmmm....Stop the Defensive Player of The Year....

Secondary Thoughts on Wild Card Victory

Chargers 23 Colts 17
"SAY ELLO TO MY LIL FREN !"

Our Little Pocket Rocket came up HUGE (I saw a commenter at KSK refer to him as .43 cent) and redeemed himself after a devastating fumble near the end of the 3rd quarter. He threw the Bolts up on his back and went out in Walk off TD style...

...and King Philip overcame a horrible interception early in the 4th Quarter to lead us on a game tying FG drive to end the game and then the game winner in OT. Philip was not without his terrible looking "throw away passes", or his sometimes under thrown passes but when it was all said and done he LED the team to victory.

For those who are not fans of Philip Rivers: take note of how awkward he looks when he runs: he is about 11 months post ACL reconstruction surgery and he is not the most athletic guy: but when the Chargers needed a 1st down, he scrambled, ran (term used loosely), called positioning on a Sproles block, deftly snuck around the end, dove, miraculously sailed head first, bounced knee off of turf, and got us a 1st down down. It was awesome! One of those moments where you say you are proud that he plays for your city.

We mentioned little keys to the game like rushing attack (because Colt D is small and it keeps Manning off the field) which showed we were spot on with our analysis. Then there was, positive turnover differential, which we were terribly wrong about---TWO turnovers in the end zone...

What were we most correct about? Us amateur armchair QBs....

SUPERSTITIONS of course...

1. Facial Hair was rocking
2. Baby clutching Power Towel throughout

Check!...Check!...

What of our other beliefs?

3. Voodoo in play....The Manning de Milo
4. Dynamic Sage Duo...H.H. The Dalai Lama and Ms. Alba

Check!...Check!...

Playoff Hockey Beards...Dirty undies during a winning streak...HTP's inane beliefs...

DO NOT FUCK WITH WINNING COMBINATIONS PEOPLE!

Our next Voodoo Doll? Roethlisberger or Collins? Oh, the joy, that is arts & crap time! Alas, we are committed!

Our final thoughts on an epic game that made me want to throw a remote through TV and shit myself in disbelief....
.....everything that went wrong for us early in the year, changed last night. We got all of the breaks. Penalty calls when we needed them and 1 sack...when we really needed it. It was great to have such good fortune....and a punter who is a GOD!!

I WILL THRASH YOUR BALLS

Eliminate Suffering Sayeth The Sages

The Sages say...

The Noble Eight Fold Path will lead you to self-awakening and liberation. Among these eight truths are: Right view; intention; speech; action; livelihood; effort; mindfulness; and concentration. Following this path will lead to the elimination of suffering....

What does this have to do with our game versus the Indianapolis Colts tomorrow night? Peyton Manning and the receiving corp? Bob Sanders and the speed rush?

Be mindful of what has brought you to this point. Reflect on your practice of Right Effort, Right Mindfulness and Right Concentration. Reflect on your path. Remember that the goal of a sports fan, like any human being, is to eliminate the suffering in one's life...

His Holiness and Ms. Alba.......We are grateful for your sage advice.

Hmmmm.....what does this all mean?

"One-In-A-Rows" Complete: Don't mess with the Holy Trinity

Do not underestimate The Holy Trinity: Little Hillbilly Voodoo Doll, His Holiness the Dalai Lama, and Jessica Alba.

It is nearly impossible to accomplish things with out faith and so we put our faith in other worldly Idols and Sages to bring us back from the abyss. Make no mistake about it, we are back, as our 52 point exclamation mark can attest.

"The Big Hitter" Lama and his cohort Jessica Alba prophesied a monumental showdown between the Chargers and Broncos on December 28th...

....and they delivered on their prophecy, karma being restored to the football universe. In addition to the work of our Spiritual gurus there was a Voodoo doll created to avenge the Phillip Rivers Pro Bowl snubbing/completely fuck up Jay Cutler's shit...and it worked. With every air-mailed pass and end zone interception we could feel the thrust of those needles into his appendages...as well as his head. That's a Pro Bowl Quarterback?

Hey you S.O.B...I gotta piss... take that needle out of my voodoo crotch.

Thank you... to a near and dear source who sent this picture to our phone at Jack Murphy Field when the score reached 38-13....image says it all doesn't it? The guy threw 2 picks, one in the end zone and Philip Rivers not a one. Who's the Pro Bowler? Not Jay Chokler!

What a good time calling EVERY DONKEY who was wearing a #6 jersey, Bubby Brister! Half of them didn't even get it and no wonder really.

We took some good pictures of Charger Fans with Banners and others of Bronco Fans getting their props (giant Bronco Stuffed Animal) stolen from them from Charger fans...quite funny....young lady very pissed, many a colorful epithet.

Why do people show up to Charger/Bronco games wearing....Dan Marino, Tom Brady, Ben Roethlisberger, Matt Cassel and every other dickhead's jersey not involved in the game? Why pay all that money for a ticket if not a fan of those two teams? Wearing a random jersey to show that you actually know football...actually shows that you know JACK SQUAT!

THEPATRIOTSLOSTTHEPATRIOTSLOSTTHEPATRIOTSLOSTTHEPATRIOTSLOST
THEPATRIOTSLOSTTHEPATRIOTSLOSTTHEPATRIOTSLOSTTHEPATRIOTSLOST

"One-in-a-Row" Part III of a Three Part Series:The Slaying of Little Hillbilly

The improbable is here. Back on December 8th we asked for three consecutive Charger Wins coupled with three consecutive Bronco Losses....and here we are on the Verge of yet another AFC West Title. We control our own Destiny. Without further adieu let's go to some Sage Advice...

The HTP Sages suggest the following points to remember for those who are pessimistic about the Chargers' chances...

1. Karma. To restore balance in the universe, the wrongs of Hochuli must be avenged thus setting us on the right path.
2. The Little Hillbilly/Jay Chokler Voodoo Doll is in play. To achieve karma, in the Tibetan Buddhist sense, using other means (Voodoo) is completely acceptable...(probably not....editors discretion to "play" with various world views). Cutler will have furious arm and leg issues today...in addition to a furious headache leading to myriad poor decision making.
   

3. Shanahan's Lucky Charms vanished after their second Super Bowl run in '99...

No more Malarkey or Shenanigans from Shanahan

A last piece of Sage Advice from the Lama and Alba: Dress warm. The Prime Time Lights may be on but it's supposed to be 43 degrees. Enjoy...

-HTP Spiritual Advisers

Wish List for December 28th, 2008....

New England Patriot Win
Miami Dolphin Win
New York Jet Loss
Baltimore Raven Win
San Diego Charger Win
Denver Bronco Loss

What do the following scenarios mean to us? For one it means that the Chargers are the AFC West Champs and get a home playoff game against the Indianapolis Colts....

It also means that the Broncos will have achieved the biggest collapse (3 game lead with 3 to play) since conferences moved to a division format....haaaaaa....haaaaa....haaaaa.....

It will be nice to lessen the Brett Favre Drama...Just go back to Mississippi!

But also of extreme gratification will be the New England Patriots finishing with an outstanding 11-5 record....only to miss the playoffs....maybe our regular season meeting wasn't just a "meaningless regular season game"......ENJOY!

Christmas Eve

MERRY CHRISTMAS

How about a nice...football!

Dear Santa,

We know you're busy but we'd like to revise our previous Christmas list. First you provided us with The Marvel in Arrowhead and then came the Chargers win last week against the Bucs and you then proceeded to cause the Donkeys to choke one off at home versus Tim Russert's Bills.

But with only a couple days left we must get in our final requests....and there are only three requests that we have so we think you might be able to accommodate us...

1. A Charger Victory on December 28th (cheap tickets would be great but that is neither here nor there) against the Denver Broncos. Help us into the playoffs and please help the Donkeys complete the greatest collapse in the history of the NFL.
2. The New England Patriots finishing with a 11-5 record...but MISSING THE PLAYOFFS! We'll leave off the required scenarios and chain reactions that must occur for this to happen, but trust us when we say...THE WORLD NEEDS THIS TO HAPPEN!
   
3. Finally......Santa.......well our Denver Donkey Voodoo Snowman melted when the sun came out yesterday...and so we need another Voodoo doll.....please!?

We've tried to be good this year and we know it's last minute but if you could find the time to read our list and grant us these wishes, we'd be very thankful. Enjoy your milk and cookies that Mrs. Avenger-in-Chief leaves out for you.

Thank you

The Avenger-in-Chief
(post your wishes in the comments section)

Charger Wins and Bronco Losses: Voodoo, Karma and Rose Pedals

The Denver Donkey Voodoo Snowman came through with flying colors and it was a glorious thing to behold...

To think that all it took to string together an improbable combination of Charger Victories and Bronco Choke-jobs was a little backwoods Haitian Voodoo...

a fairly straightforward premise proposed back on December 8th that used semantics to trick us into believing...

The Bolts don't really need to win three in a row while having Denver lose three in a row...it's much more simple than that.........(Shhhh...we have to win one in a row...three times...the correct spin is necessary to swallow this unlikely scenario)

All we have to do is defeat KC at Arrowhead next week and have the Donks lose back east in Carolina...that's it...

....so that we can have a chance the following week back east in Buccaneer Country whereby the Bills will then sojourn in Mile High to knock the fake and bake off of Mike Shanahan's face.....

, and finally the other worldly wisdom of the 14th Incarnation of the Dalai Lama and Jessica Alba, the spiritual advisers to HateThePatriots.blogspot.com.....

This amalgam of belief systems has brought us to this space in time...a time when karmic balance can return as two teams meet, with everything on the line, to right the wrongs of the past. The next ritual will be that of exorcism as the Roman Catholic Church is called in to rid us of the wayward spirit of Ed Hochuli.

No stone left unturned was the mantra for getting us into the playoffs so we here are personally exhausted but look forward to seeing the one final ingredient in action that will bring us to the precipice of football immortality......momentum!

Stage Two of "One-in-a Row" is complete leaving us only with Stage Three, a stage which is controlled solely by the Chargers......at home......momentum friends.......fucking momentum!

Seek Counsel From Sages

His Holiness the Dalai Lama, Tenzin Gyatso, believes it to be our Karma to meet the Broncos on December 28th with the AFC West title at stake.

Meet with Nobel Laureates...Free Tibet...Return from Exile...Get Chargers a Win

Such an act would restore balance to this time and place...a balance that was disturbed by a man named, Ed Hochuli.

Ms. Alba agrees with, and endorses, the counsel of His Holiness.

Really...she's a huge fan

When in doubt, seek sagely advice to right your path. Fortunately our "Collective" can rely on the profound wisdom from both of these kind souls. Viva la "One-in-a-Row" numero dos!

$9 Buck Cup of Misery...gimme two!

The week started great...

First we get the potentially fantastic news that the Padres are on the block, ready to be auctioned off, to the first who can scrape together a few hundred million....

For a nominal fee, you'll get a slow footed, slap hitting, suspect fielding team built by a bunch of computer nerds. The team also play in a brand new spacious pitchers' park which will add economic value when the potential suitor surveys a farm system stocked full of young pitchers...who are all distant relatives of Tommy John's elbow...oh yea, and our CEO is a fucking ASSHOLE....

Actually, I'm a miserable c$#t!

...pony up sucker! Join us for a $9 buck cup of misery down at the worst named ball yard in the history of our national past time.

After that ray of hope comes the $9 million dollar man, Brian Giles, getting sued for $10 million because he's an "alleged" woman beating, fetus killer.......creepy. Much more creepy than the naked hugs and cock exposure our bronzed Punch 'n' Judy hitter is reported to have given to anyone who walked into the Friar locker room (let us qualify the latter behavior as creepy- funny). We thought it was B.S. until we heard there was a surveillance video of one abusive incident...

That's a check swing...another walk, thank-you very much!

CEO, Sandy the C$#T, tried to get money back when Khalil broke his hand in the dugout last season...whaddya think he's trying to do about this one, that slick lawyer fuck!? Giles does take up nearly a quarter of our meager payroll.

Hope it's not true...it'd be a rotten Christmas present...