Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Kill Bill vol. 3

The timing could not have been more perfect, more ominous than it was while walking through the San Diego Fair's (formally the Del Mar Fair) exhibit section. Upon a High School Future Farmers of America exhibit I stumbled into.... piggies. The kind of piggies that could be raised for eatin'.

I already knew that we would be getting a pig to roast for the October 12th Charger v Patriot grudge match but I couldn't comprehend that all signs would point to the purchase of one of these pigs, here, now. My eyes fell upon a little piggy named Bilby (Bilby...Bill B....Bill Belichick...!) being raised by the FFA of a particular high school who's mascot is.......wait for it..........the PATRIOTS! Now I cannot name the school for two reasons: I actually have a loose affiliation with the school and the incendiary nature of this plot could prove...well let's just say...precarious...and secondly they are currently raising (to a sizable portion I pray) the little swine (Bill Belichick, our little pig feast) for slaughter come the morning of October 12th. I wouldn't want any sentimental Patriot fans to sabotage our little pork feast.

Now pictured above is little Bill Belichick (pink) and the smaller spotted porker we have decided to name Zoolander (a.k.a. the ridiculously good looking male model NFL QB). Little Brady has some growing to do and we intend to gut the little fella before this season's AFC Championship game.*

But on the morning of October 12th we will Kill Bill and upon our alter (Una Cajachina--Chef is that the correct spelling?---tell the people about this contraption) he will be sacrificed and only one question will remain left unanswered: Do we dispose of the entrails in a porta john next to the closest (or Farthest) Patriot fan tailgate or do the decent thing and get rid of the contaminants before we arrive to Jack Murphy Field at Qualcomm Stadium? Questions left unanswered are wearisome but in the meantime we can look forward to the sustenance of that savory little porker. Chef will also be creating sides for the tailgate but feel free to make suggestions or requests .

Who will Kill Bill?

*Hatethepatriots legal counsel, please chime in. Are the above comments in anyway slanderous our inflammatory to the point of prosecution? If so we will retract or amend any selected comments.


Anonymous said...

I say we take the porky remnants, preferably Billy's chunky little hoofs and stick 'em up the team bus's tail pipe.

Anonymous said...

Agreed. Or we could throw the hoofs on the field, Detroit Redwings style, with the Octupus on the ice.