We'll use a little Rugby analogy to explain the Chargers' current defensive deficiencies. Long ago we listened to a Springbok (James Small possibly), renowned for their hard uncompromising defense, discuss the easy time he thought his national team would have against their opponent because of the following colorful descriptor:
"They tackle like castrated bulls!"
No Balls! Tackling takes commitment and ...balls!
When a team tackles as poorly as the Chargers it is a simple case of individuals lacking HEART.
When a team is penalized as frequently as the Chargers it is a simple case of poor
COACHING.
Our offense is fun to watch and Phillip Rivers improves with every game but it just isn't sustainable to ask them to score on every possession. This season has become an unbearable nightmare and has only served as an addendum to the Torture that is being a San Diego Sports Fan. We won't concede the division just yet but there is little reason to believe that future offensive coordinators will fail to exploit the gaping holes in our defense. We will continue to see "death by paper cut" as QBs pick us apart underneath and in between the soft spots of our JOKE of a zone defense.
F.Y.I. Norv and Ted---Death by paper cut.....IS STILL DEATH! Fire Cottrell and let Ron Rivera employ a bit of the ol' 46 Buddy Ryan defense he learned back in 1985 with the Monsters of The Midway! We hate talking Xs and Os but it must be done...to borrow a British Phrase: Ted Cottrell is a useless CUNT! He's not the only useless cunt out there either...
- Igor OlNoShownsky.....Super Human Strength? Super Useless Cunt...CUT HIM!
- Luis "No Show" Castillo....You interview like a guy from Northwestern...and unfortunately play like a guy from...well, Northwestern! How did you get that contract extension?
- Marques Harris......Why? Why on God's Green Earth are you pumping your fist like a champion after tackling a guy who just picked up a Sproles fumble......?
- Antoine Applewhite.....Cut your hair, you aren't the Predator! And if you're going to take a late hit on Brees at least put him out of the game! Chump!
- Eric Weddle....It's always been said that you aren't that impressive to look at but you just play football. No, you're not at all impressive to look at and you can't tackle or cover for shit!
- Matt Wilhelm....Didn't AJ let go of Donnie Edwards because he made tackles down field instead of going forward? Matt Wilhelm out of THE OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY can barely even make the tackle down the field....keep that incognito beard goin' and you might dodge a skeptical public.
- Antonio Cromartie....This guy is a complete joke. How can you be that fast and get used like a clean-up towel....every single game? Trade him and let Cason take his spot. Antonio Cromartie is a CHUMP!
Here's to you...Ye All Castrated Bulls!
NEWS FLASH: You don't have Shawne Merriman.......nor does any other team in the NFL! If other teams can put pressure on the QB w/o SM then you sure as shit better be able to also!
My special condemnation comes for another player though....a player who I lauded on two previous occasions during the game for stellar special teams play. Kassim Osgood was the BIGGEST FOOL IN WEMBLEY STADIUM on Sunday night. He had the nerve to try and jump over two Saint blockers, pre Fosbery Flop style, take no part in the eventual tackle and then ran to the sideline to celebrate....all while we were losing the game! While what he celebrated was ridiculous, how he celebrated was asinine and beyond disrespectful.....Osgood tried to do a Maori Haka.....in England?
Mr. Osgood:
The Haka is a challenge between warriors before going into battle. It is an offer of respect but above all, a challenge, one in which the gauntlet is laid down and in all likelihood these warriors will not live to the end of the battle. It also serves the purpose of whipping the Maori warriors (team) into a frenzy so they can begin battle. The Maori Haka also tells of using your cunning to survive and cheat death.......Doing the Haka to celebrate something you did makes no sense and to have done it in England makes even less sense. You're an idiot!
| Leader: | Ringa pakia! | Slap the hands against the thighs! | |
| Uma tiraha! | Puff out the chest! | ||
| Turi whatia! | Bend the knees! | ||
| Hope whai ake! | Let the hip follow! | ||
| Waewae takahia kia kino! | Stamp the feet as hard as you can! | ||
| Leader: | Ka mate, ka mate | 'I die, I die, | |
| Team: | Ka ora' Ka ora' | 'I live, 'I live, | |
| Leader: | Ka mate, ka mate | 'I die, 'I die | |
| Team: | Ka ora Ka ora " | 'I live, 'I live, | |
| All: | Tēnei te tangata pūhuruhuru | This is the hairy man | |
| Nāna i tiki mai whakawhiti te rā | ...Who caused the sun to shine again for me | ||
| Upane... Upane | Up the ladder, Up the ladder | ||
| Upane Kaupane" | Up to the top | ||
| Whiti te rā,! | The sun shines! | ||
| He! | He! |
When tackling.....use shoulders and arms to wrap up your opponent and take him to the ground. We're sure that the Webb Ellis Cup winning back row of Neil Back, Lawrence Dallaglio, and Richard Hill would have offered up their expertise during this past week for a nominal fee....of course that would have required coaches to have made decisions and....coached. What a novel idea.
Well coached teams are not penalized as much as we are. We always dog the Raiders for their numerous penalties and offer up that the problem is systemic in nature.
Shake up the tree!
Even if the Donkeys suck they still are, with the head-to-head win against us, two games up on us.
How will we catch 'em if we don't create turnovers and also allow QBs to short game us to death? Make a change or the season could be lost......let's not die by paper cut.....If this is our Haka, where we know death is imminent, let's actually fight....and die due to hemorrhaging if we must.....
Shake up the tree!
Even if the Donkeys suck they still are, with the head-to-head win against us, two games up on us.
How will we catch 'em if we don't create turnovers and also allow QBs to short game us to death? Make a change or the season could be lost......let's not die by paper cut.....If this is our Haka, where we know death is imminent, let's actually fight....and die due to hemorrhaging if we must.....
1 comment:
"The Tortured San Diego Sports Fan"...does such a creature exist? Aside of course, from the indefatigable avenger-in-chief, (in fact a son of the MidWest for those not in the know), the typical San Diego fan sees their team’s disintegration not so much as the disappointment of the year, but simply as a “bummer…dude…”
And who can blame them? With a baseball club whose team-building strategy is to develop young players, then trade them just as they enter their prime for overpriced and washed-up veterans, and a perennially underachieving NFL team whose greatest games are the ones that they “almost won”, who wouldn’t rather check out the swell instead?
No, I’m afraid that the Tortured San Diego Sports Fan is an endangered species of the most rare nature. In fact, this Avenger, even after many days afield, has only ever seen five of them in their natural habitat, and three of those from the same troop.
Who then, you may ask, belongs to all the asses in the seats of our lovely new Petco, and less lovely retro Murky-Q? My observations point to two sub-species of the TSDSF; the Ex-Pat San Diego Sports Fan, and the Waves-Are-Flat-Got-Tix-From-My-Company-Bought-My-Girfriend-A-Pink-LT-Shirt-My-Boat’s-In-The-Shop-Desert-Season-Doesn’t-Start-Till-Next-Month San Diego Sports Fan.
The former sub-set consists primarily of those formerly of the East Coast and the Rust-Belt. You know them well, they’re the chowda-heads, pinstripers, and cubbie-nationals who cheer beside you throughout most of the season, that is, until the real “Home” team pays a visit to the sunny environs of America’s Finest City. Then their true loyalty shines through, and as you walk down 6th ave, you wonder “Where in the hell did all these MassHoles come from?”
The latter sub-set is comprised of natives and tansplants alike; their common ground being that they can, and often do, find better things to do with their time. Those fortunate enough to grow from seed in this beautiful and bountiful corner of the world are often instilled with the notion that God’s great outdoors should be enjoyed and explored as often as possible, regardless of whether or not polyester argonauts are pounding the piss out of each other in Mission Valley 8 Sundays a year. Those that move here often do so to join the ranks of those sunshine and adventure lovers, and rarely for the pleasure of donning the powder blue.
So as the Chargers begin their eminent slide into the second half of the season, take heart San Diego..not in our chances, or even next year..but in the knowledge that there’s a new swell pushing in from the NorthWest this weekend. Mahalo!
-The Omsbudvenger
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